Week 3: Kickin’ it with Juan Pabs

You can always count on The Bachelor to bring some knowledge to your Mondays.

Yes, you read that right. We just said The Bachelor is educational. Por ejemplo, last week, we learned that life is actually about straddling people. This was news to us. Thankfully, Victoria dropped that gem on us, and now, we need not contemplate the meaning of life. This week, we learned that if you take 21 and subtract three years from it, you get 18. That was drilled into our brains by Cassandra, the former NBA dancer math teacher.

You know what else we learned? A long intro for this week’s episode wasn’t necessary. Chris Harrison didn’t do his standard monologue to open the episode, and if C. Harrizzle (that’s our nickname for him, word) doesn’t need an intro, neither do we. So here we go, it’s recap time!

Week 1: Here comes crazy!

Remember how Tierra couldn’t control her eyebrow?

We can’t control our excitement over this season of The Bachelor. Seriously. You know how it took us until Wednesday night to write this recap? That’s because we’ve actually been talking about The Bachelor for 48 hours. There was so much crazy, so many tears and so many mentions of the “journey” and all the other Bachelor words that we just. could. not. even. Anyways, the 48-hour hiatus resulted in nearly 2,000 words of musings about the beginning of what is surely (according to Chris Harrison, at least) the most dramatic season of The Bachelor ever.

So, without further ado, we give you the first legit full-episode recap of the season. Let’s just say, our journey of following Juan Pablo’s romantic journey (and impending assassination attempt) begins right now.

Week 2: Bachelorette Tell ‘Em

Disclaimer: Right before an episode of the Bachelorette starts, we sit on the couch and flail around like a fish out of water. Seriously, we’re that excited. In fact, the only thing that makes us more excited than the Bachelor, Bachelorette and Bachelor Pad is recapping the Bachelor, Bachelorette and Bachelor Pad. Let’s just say we’re pretty giddy to start recapping this episode, so without further ado…

Week 1: Des meets her prince(s)

All we can say is … it’s about dang time.

After an eternity (actually, two months) of waiting, The Bachelorette logo finally appeared on our television screen. What better way to honor America than watching a who’s who of America’s idiots and Prince Charmings compete for the affection of America’s Sweetheart? There is no better way.

We enjoyed every single second of that two-hour introduction to Desiree’s season and we’ve finally been able to stop hyperventilating with excitement long enough to write down our thoughts on the premiere.

Welcome to the first recap of Desiree’s season. Let’s get to it.

Week 7: Don’t go breaking my Hart

It’s getting difficult in Bachelor world, y’all. Hometown dates are make or break and this season was no exception. We have a lot to digest from this week’s episode, so let’s get to it.