The catfights! The heartbreak! The Eyebrow! We truly hope that all of this–and much more–is included in this season’s Women Tell All. We hope Tierra is still evil. We hope Lesley is still hilarious. We hope Daniella is still drunk. We also hope that we get these Burning Questions answered.
1. Will AshLee speak to Sean?
Or will she just stare? We’ve mentioned in our Power Rankings that we empathize with AshLee, but we still hope that she has collected her thoughts enough to actually talk to Sean and try to get some closure from this whole experience. The eliminations of Des and AshLee were heartbreaking for different reasons, but at least Des said her piece and can (hopefully) move on. We hope AshLee can do the same at Women Tell All.
2. Who the heck would marry Tierra?
Can we meet this guy? Is he a martian? Does he have no female friends that Tierra must associate with? Does he also have an uncontrollable eyebrow? We’re not sure what creature would marry Tierra, but we hope that they are very happy together. We would love to see Chris Harrison bring this guy out on stage and see what, exactly, he sees in Tierra that the rest of America didn’t get to see. But, alas, we fear that this is but an empty dream. This guy probably wants to stay on the DL until Tierra’s Bachelor drama blows over.
3. Is this the week Chris Harrison earns his paycheck?
Chris Harrison has one of the cushiest jobs in all of television. He jets around the country, organizes the picture room (no, just kidding, Elan probably does that) and gives awful advice that doesn’t really help anyone. That is, until Women Tell All. He has to manage 26 women talking at once, make at least two of them cry and then protect the Bachelor from all of the rejected contestants in case they decide to stage a mutiny, like the one at the water fountain at the mall. He’s basically the ringmaster of the Ringling Bros. circus only there are no animals, only women. This sounds like no fun, unless of course, you’re Chris Harrison. Because Chris Harrison is such a little skeeze.
The Hot Seat
Every week, we’ll pick one or two ladies who we think are in danger of getting sent home the following episode. Whether it’s because they’re causing tension in the mansion, had a night of drunken woopsies or just simply aren’t connecting with Sean, these ladies could find themselves in the Bachelor Burn Book Hot Seat … a place that would make even Regina George feel threatened.
There is no Hot Seat this week because this isn’t a real episode. It’s a filler episode where they get us really excited for the finale, feed us mere tidbits of updates about our favorite former contestants and we all watch anyways. We’re not complaining. We’re stating a fact. We love everything about the Bachelor and if they wanted to just show an hour of Sean showering, we’d be totally OK with that, DVR it, and watch it over and over again. Oh, wait, Millsy already pitched that? Never mind.
But you know what, just for the sake of it, we’ll put Tierra in the Hot Seat. At this point, we’re considering naming it the Hot Seat sponsored by Tierra’s Eyebrow.
Want more Bachelor Burn Book? Follow us on Twitter @bachelorburnbk. We live tweet during every episode and offer our insights throughout the week on all things Bachelor-related, except for this week ’cause we drunk.