The Finale: The Glen Cocos

Well, readers, this is it.

It’s the final edition of the Glen Cocos (and the final regularly scheduled post) of this season. But fear not, because something as silly as a hiatus isn’t going to slow us down. We’ve got some cool stuff planned for the break and we hope you’ll keep reading along as we prepare ourselves for Juan Pablo’s season. Until then, though, we’ve got one more batch of Glen Cocos to hand out. If you’ve just joined us (Jambo! Better late than never!), here’s how they work:

Glen Coco

Basically, The Glen Cocos are a rotating awards system. We’ll make up a bunch of random awards and hand them out to people each week. Some will be serious. Most of them will (hopefully) be funny. In your mind’s eye, picture them being handed out by Chris Harrison dressed in a Santa suit.

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The Finale: Tweet Roundup

What’s the difference between a regular old reality show and a national phenomenon? Twitter traffic, of course. No Monday night Bachelorette-viewing session is complete without perusing Twitter for instant analysis and opinions of the 25 contestants who are vying for love. But who has time to comb every inch of the web for the wittiest comments? We do. Here they are, in one neat little package.

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After the Final Rose: Juan Pablo and other stuff

Well, people, it’s all over.

The Neil Lane rock has been selected. The final rose has been accepted. The question has been popped. Guess it’s time for us to pack it in and go home, right?

WRONG.

Two hours of finale romance just isn’t enough. ABC now has to prove that this wasn’t all just some reality TV sham and thus, they’ve given us the After the Final Rose special, conveniently aired right after the actual finale. We always enjoy this bonus hour of Chris Harrison and co., so naturally it deserves its own recap.
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The Finale: All Des does is cry, cry, cry, no matter what

OK, OK, we’ll admit it. We were wrong. That two-part finale was everything we thought it wouldn’t be: dramatic, shocking, happy, sad, heartbreaking … pretty much any emotion you can think of. It was a roller coaster ride. We were convinced that this season would have the most boring and predictable ending ever. We gave Des a lot of flak for admitting so early on that she was in love with Brooks, and we hated on ABC even harder for not cutting out her numerous declarations of undying love. We saw this ending coming from a mile away. She was going to pick Brooks. But then, we got thrown for a loop, and nothing happened the way we thought it would. Maybe we’re just stupid, but we can honestly say that we didn’t know how this season was going to end until Des told Chris she loved him. Now THAT is the definition of a dramatic season. Well done, producers. It was nice to see Chris Harrison finally deliver on his oft-broken promise.

Alright, let’s get to the madness:

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The Finale: Burning Questions

This finale is going to be epiiiiiiiic. You know why? BECAUSE THERE MIGHT NOT BE A FINALE! Whaaaaa?!

Everything is broken. Des’ heart is broken. Brooks’ heart is broken. Neil Lane’s heart is broken because he might not get to give away a ring fo’ free. Brooks’ hair … well, that was always broken. Even Chris Harrison’s heart is broken. Basically, everything is broken. So, obvs, we’re super excited for tonight’s episode. What the deuce is going to happen?! How long will it take Des to stop crying and make a decision? Will Chris Harrison make everything better? We know every Monday we always say that we have a lot of questions about the upcoming episode, but this week, we are freakin’ serious. We ACTUALLY do have a lot of questions this time. Here are the three that have really been bugging us for the past 168 hours:

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Week 9: The Glen Cocos

Well, Chris Harrison DID promise us some drama this season and man, did he deliver.

This week’s episode was devastating. Heartbreaking. Emotionally draining. Basically, every word you could ever use to describe what you feel when your heart gets stomped into a million teeny tiny little pieces. Poor Des. Poor everybody.

We feel for Des. Really, we do. We’ll wear all black in mourning of her failed relationship with Brooks. However, the show must go on. And since our Friday show is The Glen Cocos, well, here they are.

Glen Coco

Basically, The Glen Cocos are a rotating awards system. We’ll make up a bunch of random awards and hand them out to people each week. Some will be serious. Most of them will (hopefully) be funny. In your mind’s eye, picture them being handed out by Chris Harrison dressed in a Santa suit.

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Week 9: Power Rankings

Welcome, Bachelorette enthusiasts, to the final installment of Power Rankings for this season! If you found yourself clicking on the link to this post and thinking, “What in the hell? How they ‘posed to rank these guys? Des ain’t even like none of ’em.”, you’re in good company. We thought the same thing and we’re the ones writing this post.

So, as you might’ve guessed, the whole “I love Brooks and don’t even want to think about/look at/talk to/go on dates with the other guys” thing that Des said on Monday presents a bit of a problem for us. Des has two guys left, and she likes approximately zero of them. Fantastic.

Hopefully, we haven’t managed to talk you out of reading this. If we did … well, shit. For those of you who are still sticking around, we promise we’ll have something interesting to say, despite, well, you know … lookin’ at you, DES.

Alright, off we go.

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