Week 9: Burning Questions

This is it. The time is here. The most shocking, dramatic episode EVER is coming TONIGHT. At first, we didn’t believe our boy Chris Harrison was telling the truth because, well, he always says that. He insisted that the finale of Sean’s season was going to be the most dramatic ever, but then we watched it … and dramatic it was not. Catherine wrote Sean a love note, he proposed, they took a ride on an elephant and the rest is history. Like, helloooo?! Chris, that is so not dramatic! But this episode … we’ve got a feeling about this one. We were, once again, going to write off Chris Harrison’s infamous claim, but then … we saw that preview. And we were all like, “Umm, I don’t think he’s joking this time, dude.” So, now, we’re super pumped. We’ve been building this episode up in our minds ALL WEEK. What’s going to happen?! Why does everyone feel the need to cry ALL THE TIME? Is it really going to be dramatic, or are we in for another letdown? These are the things we wonder. Oh, and these three things too:

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Week 7: Poetry and metaphors and SHUT UP

This was it. It happened. This was the episode — you know, that one episode that we’re inevitably subjected to every season — when the contestants turn everything they do into a metaphor for love. Every friggin’ year, it happens without fail. One of the guys could simply be putting on sunscreen and he would be like, “This reminds me a lot of my relationship with Des. I’m going to protect Desiree like I’m protecting my skin from the sun’s harmful rays.” Like, are you freaking kidding me? Does every little thing you do have to be related to love? Apparently, yes, it does. If you were trying to stifle your vomit during last night’s episode, you may not want to read on because this recap will include lots and lots of metaphors. You have been warned.

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Week 5: Armageddon!

Ahh, finally. All is right in Bachelorette World. This week’s episode was filled with drama, name-calling, insult-hurling, murder-threatening, early exits, a cringeworthy two-on-one date and, yes, yodeling.

While last week’s episode was very heartwarming and eye-opening, we felt completely out of our element. You just can’t make insensitive jokes during a tour of the Hurricane Sandy devastation and a subsequent date between a couple who lost their home because of the storm. It just ain’t the right thing to do. But this week, it is the right thing to do. We have a week of lost time to make up for, so we aren’t holding back. May the wit and sarcasm drip from our lips this week like it never has before.

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The Finale: After the Final Rose

We can’t believe this season is already over. It went by so fast, and now, we have absolutely nothing to do on Monday nights. How terribly depressing. On a lighter note though, we want to thank you all for making Bachelor Burn Book such a success in our first season. We honestly thought we’d have like 20 blog views and 10 Twitter followers, half of whom would probably be spam bots. So, truly, thank you for reading along and tweeting with us. We hope you’ll stick around. Anyway, let’s get to the good stuff.

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Finale recap: I get all of this?!

Oh, Sean. We hardly knew ye as the Bachelor. These seasons just whiz by so fast. They say time flies when you’re having fun, but it also flies when you’re watching some delectable beefcake take his shirt off on the regs. We’ll miss Sean’s beefy arms and pecs … for about six days. Then we’ll see them on Dancing with the Stars and all will be right in the world again. But forget mirror ball trophies and televised weddings … we’ve got a finale to recap. Without further ado, here is our final recap of the greatest Bachelor season of them all. Continue reading

Burning Questions: The Finale

It’s that time, y’all. Sean’s picking one lucky lady to spend eternity with…or so we hope. There are no guarantees in Bachelor world, but we sure hope that this is real true love. Until then, we have a few questions we hope get answered tonight.

1. Who is the letter from?

This question was basically spoon-fed to us via the 1,534 promos this season. Does Catherine write the letter? Lindsay? Sean’s mom? Maybe it’s an eleventh hour Hail Mary from Des? We’ve been teased with this darn letter for weeks now and chances are, none of the aforementioned people have written it. It’s probably written by Chris Harrison and includes some stellar advice like “Get this right.” Whatever it is, though, it brings Sean to tears. Real men cry, y’all.

2. Does Mrs. Lowe accept the idea of her son finding love on television?

We love a man that loves his mama, and it’s clear that Sean loves and respects Mama Lowe. We can’t blame her for being a wee bit skeptical about Sean meeting someone handpicked by producers, especially given the track record of the show. She’s being protective and we get that. However, we hope that she can eventually give Sean and his betrothed the crucial stamp of approval this episode. Believe in true love, Mrs. Lowe! Don’t doubt Chris Harrison’s matchmaking abilities!

3. Who is the next Bachelorette? 

We know, we know. We’ve barely put this season to bed (because Sean Lowe sure didn’t bed anyone! That was a virgin Bachelor joke. Nobody? Nobody? We’re hearing crickets, so we’ll move on), and we’ve already got our sights set on this summer’s season. If it’s anyone but Des, we’ll probably start flipping some tables (unless it’s Lesley. She’d be the greatest Bachelorette of all time). If it’s Lindsay or Catherine, we are going to lose it. But either way, we’ll be watching next season, and bringing you more burning questions. Thanks for reading this season. It’s been real.

The Hot Seat

Every week, we’ll pick one or two ladies who we think are in danger of getting sent home the following episode. Whether it’s because they’re causing tension in the mansion, had a night of drunken woopsies or just simply aren’t connecting with Sean, these ladies could find themselves in the Bachelor Burn Book Hot Seat … a place that would make even Regina George feel threatened.

Lindsay, come on down. We hate to break it to ya, but Catherine and Sean’s relationship just seems deeper and more solid than yours. Sure, you laugh a lot and you spend more time making out and talking, but Catherine and Sean just connect on a deeper level. Best of luck finding Lindsay. Also, best of luck finding a solid teaching job. It’s hard out here for a substitute teacher.

Want more Bachelor Burn Book? Follow us on Twitter @bachelorburnbk. We live tweet during every episode and offer our insights throughout the week on all things Bachelor-related.

Week 8: Power Rankings

This season has certainly been a good one. We started with 26 women, 80 percent of whom were either crazy, hammered, orange or all three. And now here we are — down to the final two. Even though this season has gone by much too fast, we’ve really enjoyed it. For one, the drama was crazy good. Everyone thought this season would be boring, but alas, it was filled with screaming matches, an uncontrollable eyebrow and classic underhanded moves that were once perfected by The Plastics.

While the drama kept us entertained, Sean was the reason we kept coming back. Yes, it was mostly because he is one fine-looking specimen, but it was also because he’s so genuine. Sean reminded both loyal and casual fans alike why we love this show. He’s a class act and a breath of fresh air from the usual douchey Bachelors who we end up hating by midseason. Sean went about this process the right way. He has revived The Bachelor fanbase and ABC’s ratings. Hallelujah!

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