It’s Halloween.

Oh my god, thanks Cady! We’d totally forgotten! We don’t even have a costume. What should we do?

OH. THAT’S RIGHT. REACH BACK INTO OUR TRUSTY VAULT OF HALLOWEEN COSTUMES BASED ON MEAN GIRLS AND THE BACHELOR/ETTE/PAD, OF COURSE. Y’all don’t have that? Sucks to suck, but we’re nice, so we’ll share. If you’re scramblin’ for a costume on this Ghoulish Thirsty Thursday, have at ’em. Also, if anyone says, “Why are you dressed in a Mean Girls costume? That movie came out in 2004,” you should totally answer, “One. It’s Throwback Thursday, so hush. Two. THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST ON MEAN GIRLS COSTUMES.” And then never talk to that person again because they do not deserve to sit with you.

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The Finale: All Des does is cry, cry, cry, no matter what

OK, OK, we’ll admit it. We were wrong. That two-part finale was everything we thought it wouldn’t be: dramatic, shocking, happy, sad, heartbreaking … pretty much any emotion you can think of. It was a roller coaster ride. We were convinced that this season would have the most boring and predictable ending ever. We gave Des a lot of flak for admitting so early on that she was in love with Brooks, and we hated on ABC even harder for not cutting out her numerous declarations of undying love. We saw this ending coming from a mile away. She was going to pick Brooks. But then, we got thrown for a loop, and nothing happened the way we thought it would. Maybe we’re just stupid, but we can honestly say that we didn’t know how this season was going to end until Des told Chris she loved him. Now THAT is the definition of a dramatic season. Well done, producers. It was nice to see Chris Harrison finally deliver on his oft-broken promise.

Alright, let’s get to the madness:

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Week 6: Power Rankings

We’re planning a revolt. A mutiny is imminent. Des is out of control.

Who does she think she is eliminating three guys at once this far into the season? She can’t just do that. There are rules. Who gave her all the power? Can somebody put a call in to Chris Harrison so we can restore order to this mess of a situation? Geesh, can somebody pull the reins in on her? Next thing you know, she’ll be sprinting to the altar faster than Damian was running to the projection room above the auditorium with Cady’s purse. Slow your roll, Des. We can’t rank all your boyfriends if there aren’t any left.

Obligatory Power Rankings explanation:

Every week, we’ll tell you who we think did the best, who did the worst and who got completely lost in the shuffle on the latest episode of The Bachelorette. We’ll rank (and kind of judge) the men based on their interactions with each other and with Desiree. Of course, we’ll factor in how we think Des views each of her suitors, as well. Just think of it as if we’re seating the men at the appropriate tables in the Mean Girls cafeteria.

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Week 2: Burning Questions

It’s #BacheloretteMonday (that was for you, Hashtag Guy)! And today, on this fine day, we woke up (early) with a range of emotions. The first was excitement because, well, it’s Bachelorette Monday. Duh. The second was anger because the air conditioning in one of our cars is currently not functioning, but that’s another story for another day. The third was curiosity (wait, is that even an emotion?). As usual, we’re always wondering what shenanigans we’ll see on the next episode of The Bachelorette, which is why we have so many questions. So, here’s our next set of queries for you — and, of course, our picks for the Hot Seat.

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The Finale: After the Final Rose

We can’t believe this season is already over. It went by so fast, and now, we have absolutely nothing to do on Monday nights. How terribly depressing. On a lighter note though, we want to thank you all for making Bachelor Burn Book such a success in our first season. We honestly thought we’d have like 20 blog views and 10 Twitter followers, half of whom would probably be spam bots. So, truly, thank you for reading along and tweeting with us. We hope you’ll stick around. Anyway, let’s get to the good stuff.

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Finale recap: I get all of this?!

Oh, Sean. We hardly knew ye as the Bachelor. These seasons just whiz by so fast. They say time flies when you’re having fun, but it also flies when you’re watching some delectable beefcake take his shirt off on the regs. We’ll miss Sean’s beefy arms and pecs … for about six days. Then we’ll see them on Dancing with the Stars and all will be right in the world again. But forget mirror ball trophies and televised weddings … we’ve got a finale to recap. Without further ado, here is our final recap of the greatest Bachelor season of them all. Continue reading

Burning Questions: The Finale

It’s that time, y’all. Sean’s picking one lucky lady to spend eternity with…or so we hope. There are no guarantees in Bachelor world, but we sure hope that this is real true love. Until then, we have a few questions we hope get answered tonight.

1. Who is the letter from?

This question was basically spoon-fed to us via the 1,534 promos this season. Does Catherine write the letter? Lindsay? Sean’s mom? Maybe it’s an eleventh hour Hail Mary from Des? We’ve been teased with this darn letter for weeks now and chances are, none of the aforementioned people have written it. It’s probably written by Chris Harrison and includes some stellar advice like “Get this right.” Whatever it is, though, it brings Sean to tears. Real men cry, y’all.

2. Does Mrs. Lowe accept the idea of her son finding love on television?

We love a man that loves his mama, and it’s clear that Sean loves and respects Mama Lowe. We can’t blame her for being a wee bit skeptical about Sean meeting someone handpicked by producers, especially given the track record of the show. She’s being protective and we get that. However, we hope that she can eventually give Sean and his betrothed the crucial stamp of approval this episode. Believe in true love, Mrs. Lowe! Don’t doubt Chris Harrison’s matchmaking abilities!

3. Who is the next Bachelorette? 

We know, we know. We’ve barely put this season to bed (because Sean Lowe sure didn’t bed anyone! That was a virgin Bachelor joke. Nobody? Nobody? We’re hearing crickets, so we’ll move on), and we’ve already got our sights set on this summer’s season. If it’s anyone but Des, we’ll probably start flipping some tables (unless it’s Lesley. She’d be the greatest Bachelorette of all time). If it’s Lindsay or Catherine, we are going to lose it. But either way, we’ll be watching next season, and bringing you more burning questions. Thanks for reading this season. It’s been real.

The Hot Seat

Every week, we’ll pick one or two ladies who we think are in danger of getting sent home the following episode. Whether it’s because they’re causing tension in the mansion, had a night of drunken woopsies or just simply aren’t connecting with Sean, these ladies could find themselves in the Bachelor Burn Book Hot Seat … a place that would make even Regina George feel threatened.

Lindsay, come on down. We hate to break it to ya, but Catherine and Sean’s relationship just seems deeper and more solid than yours. Sure, you laugh a lot and you spend more time making out and talking, but Catherine and Sean just connect on a deeper level. Best of luck finding Lindsay. Also, best of luck finding a solid teaching job. It’s hard out here for a substitute teacher.

Want more Bachelor Burn Book? Follow us on Twitter @bachelorburnbk. We live tweet during every episode and offer our insights throughout the week on all things Bachelor-related.