Disclaimer: Right before an episode of the Bachelorette starts, we sit on the couch and flail around like a fish out of water. Seriously, we’re that excited. In fact, the only thing that makes us more excited than the Bachelor, Bachelorette and Bachelor Pad is recapping the Bachelor, Bachelorette and Bachelor Pad. Let’s just say we’re pretty giddy to start recapping this episode, so without further ado…
Des takes a page out of Lindsay’s book.
Since Lindsay wore a wedding dress on her first “date” with Sean, Des clearly decided to employ this strategy, except she took it one step further and showed Brooks ALL the wedding dresses. We know, we know, she’s a wedding dress designer (or something). But we still thought this was a bold move — and one that you can only get away with as the Bachelorette.
They’re driving a Bentley and don’t have a GPS?
We aren’t buying this, but Brooks is. He’s pleasantly surprised by everything on this date, which is nice. Des comes up with the brilliant idea to move the road signs, which would probably get somebody arrested in the real world. This, however, is Bachelorette world, where the rules don’t apply and sketchy bridges lead to romantic dinners for two.
ERMAHGERD ANDY GRAMMER.
Ah, another Bachelorette season, another awkward solo concert. How does one handle these awkward concerts? At a regular show, if you’re dancing no one is really paying attention to you. At a Bachelorette solo show? The whole country is watching you.
Thank God Brooks is a better dancer than Will, who we would come to find looks like this while he dances.
Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em
…that you need some publicity. Clearly. Because otherwise, we doubt Soulja Boy would be making an appearance on The Bachelorette.
ABC, stop trying to make Soulja Boy happen. He is never going to happen.
These guys know way too much about Bachelorette history.
Especially #Kasey. He immediately knew which verses belonged to which former contestants. Basically, this rap video was the producers’ way of making fun of all the total d-bags they’ve put on this show. We found this hilarious. Also, we’re pretty sure if you know all the former contestants on this show, you’re not here for the right reasons (right reasons, right reasons).
Oh, and this happened.
Zak is slowly redeeming himself.
It’s hard to bounce back from being the guy wearing no shirt and no pants on the first night, but Zak is making a great comeback. That journal was really sweet, and he seems like he really just embraces life. It’s still kind of odd that he tends to embrace life naked, but hey, to each their own.
Random note: Who gives someone a gift like this? Wrap that bad boy!
Brandon is awkwardsauce.
He’s also borderline creepy. Not in a cut-you-up-and-wear-your-skin-as-a-suit way but in a wee-bit-too-overeager-at-this-point-in-the-show way. He’s “falling in like?” He doesn’t want to “crush the butterfly?” We’re concerned. Chillax, Brandon. Your impersonation of Kasey Kahl might have gone to your head.
Apparently, the men in the house CAN resist this face.
Des can’t, though. Ben got the group date rose and appears to be a frontrunner right now. At this point, we think the guys are mainly just jealous of Ben. We’re not saying he’s not a tool — he very well could be. But at this point, it’s highly likely that these guys are just focusing on Ben because he got the first rose. Jealousy isn’t a good color, dudes. Wait until he really screws up and THEN lose your ever lovin’ minds.
An Extremely Goofy Road Trip
Anyone else think this map looked like something you’d see at Disney World? Is that font Century Gothic? Did Bryden and Des buy snacks with toy money? Does Bryden not know that brie is a food? The Disney-ABC partnership is just getting out of hand.
Here’s a new fad diet.
It’s called the Show Your Date Gross Pictures so She Can’t Finish Her Food diet. Bryden invented it. He told Des about a horrific accident he had when he was young (glad you’re better, Bryden) and then proceeded to SHOW HER PICTURES of him IN THE HOSPITAL.
We couldn’t finish our pint of Ben and Jerry’s after these photos, so we doubt Des could finish whatever she was eating.
Seriously, Ben, you stole Des from Michael? Seriously, you think you’re the only guy who has kissed her? Seriously, you think you have this in the bag? The guys are continuing to gang up on Ben, which is becoming more and more understandable. However, Ben hasn’t won this thing yet. By focusing on him, they are just taking themselves out of the game.
The most telling part of this whole exchange took place after Ben had left the room. In case you missed it, a couple of the guys brought up that Ben has been talking about his bar and business ventures. This is certainly a red flag. We’re hoping we see a little bit more of this footage a little later on in the season, instead of hearing about it secondhand from contestants.
Desiree, you know we don’t speak Spanish!
Just kidding. We’ve dabbled in Spanish. It was kind of nice that she asked Juan Pablo to accept his rose in Spanish. We awwww’d.
Then, we saw the music video.
We have no words so we’ll share more pictures.
And thank the Lord that this video wasn’t like Ben Flajnik’s. We refuse to embed this video here, so we’ll leave you with this link. This is NSFW. Or children’s eyes. Or ears.
She asked me how to spell orange.
This is the place where we’ll highlight the stupidest thing said on each episode, like when Karen asked Damien how to spell orange.
“I’ve yet to get a date card.” — Chris
Want more Bachelor Burn Book? Follow us on Twitter @bachelorburnbk. We live tweet during every episode and offer our insights throughout the week on all things Bachelor-related.
Images on this blog are the property of ABC or their respectful owners.