This finale is going to be epiiiiiiiic. You know why? BECAUSE THERE MIGHT NOT BE A FINALE! Whaaaaa?!
Everything is broken. Des’ heart is broken. Brooks’ heart is broken. Neil Lane’s heart is broken because he might not get to give away a ring fo’ free. Brooks’ hair … well, that was always broken. Even Chris Harrison’s heart is broken. Basically, everything is broken. So, obvs, we’re super excited for tonight’s episode. What the deuce is going to happen?! How long will it take Des to stop crying and make a decision? Will Chris Harrison make everything better? We know every Monday we always say that we have a lot of questions about the upcoming episode, but this week, we are freakin’ serious. We ACTUALLY do have a lot of questions this time. Here are the three that have really been bugging us for the past 168 hours:
This is it. The time is here. The most shocking, dramatic episode EVER is coming TONIGHT. At first, we didn’t believe our boy Chris Harrison was telling the truth because, well, he always says that. He insisted that the finale of Sean’s season was going to be the most dramatic ever, but then we watched it … and dramatic it was not. Catherine wrote Sean a love note, he proposed, they took a ride on an elephant and the rest is history. Like, helloooo?! Chris, that is so not dramatic! But this episode … we’ve got a feeling about this one. We were, once again, going to write off Chris Harrison’s infamous claim, but then … we saw that preview. And we were all like, “Umm, I don’t think he’s joking this time, dude.” So, now, we’re super pumped. We’ve been building this episode up in our minds ALL WEEK. What’s going to happen?! Why does everyone feel the need to cry ALL THE TIME? Is it really going to be dramatic, or are we in for another letdown? These are the things we wonder. Oh, and these three things too:
It’s Men Tell All time! Yay! This is always such a good episode because everyone is on their absolute worst behavior. Actually, watching the Men Tell All episode kind of reminds us of being home in Africa (we don’t really live in Africa). The guys settle things like they live in animal world.
Here’s to hoping for complete anarchy tonight. In the meantime, here’s what we’re wondering about heading into the drama-fest.
As you might’ve read, we had a little too much fun on America’s Birthday. If you happen to be clueless about our Fourth of July shenanigans, you may want to read “Week 6: The Glen Cocos” to get filled in. We didn’t do a whole lot over the weekend as you might imagine, but we at least used our recovery time to come up with these questions. See? We’re always thinking of you guys and this ridiculous show, even in our weakest moments. Now that is true dedication.
There are many crimes that one can be accused of in Bachelorette World. Some are serious, and others are very serious. When a Bachelorette contestant is accused of one of these crimes, he must go before Chris Harrison, the judge, the jury and the executioner in Bachelorette World (Des may think she has all the power, but let’s be real. We all know Chris Harrison is the one in charge here.). If a contestant finds himself in Bachelorette court, he may be charged with one or more of the following crimes:
Not being there to make friends
Going on the show to gain fame (both on Twitter and in real life)
Promoting one’s business ventures
Being an arrogant jerk
Being a drama-starter
Repeatedly claiming to be a “grown ass man”
Having a secret girlfriend back home
… And stuff like that
But there is one crime in particular that is more heinous than all the rest: faking your way through the show in order to become the next Bachelor. 😮
That is, indeed, the worst crime of them all, and it appears that James is charged with said crime this evening. So, is James a liar? Is he deceiving Des and all of Bachelor Nation? Will he have to face the wrath of Judge Chris Harrison? We ponder this and other super important stuff in the latest Burning Questions.
Hey, y’all. We’ve been a little low on time lately, so sorry if this post isn’t up to snuff. We’ve been running around with a 3-year-old and a 4-year-old all week going to dance classes, bouncy houses, soccer camps, swim lessons, amusement parks and pretty much anywhere else that you might find a 3-year-old and a 4-year-old. Then, when we weren’t out and about, we were busy playing with baby dolls, having sword fights and eating plastic food. One of us was even taken to prison (on a staircase) and decapitated. So, as you can see, it’s been quite a busy week for us.
But that doesn’t mean we weren’t still thinking about The Bachelorette. In fact, as we were watching Disney’s Brave with said 3-year-old and 4-year-old, we naturally thought back to last season when Emily Maynard and the gang were forced to watch it and say it was the best movie they’d ever seen. Anyway, despite the fact that we’ve been asked about 800 different questions that usually start with “why,” we still managed to come up with a few of our own questions for tonight’s episode. Now that, dear friends, is true dedication.