The drama is heightening! The cattiness is starting! The claws are starting to come out! People’s eyes are getting scratched out! It’s gettin’ scrappy! Someone’s gonna have to hold someone else’s errings!
What could be better?! …Nothing, that’s what—well, except our recap breaking it all down:
The second week of every Bachelor season is always one of our favorites because it reminds us of the show’s true meaning. During the premiere, it can be so easy to lose sight of this. But now that the first cocktail party is over and all of the sexual predators (ahem, Amy J.) have been weeded out, we can now focus on what this show is really about—over-the-top dates, crying in public restrooms, getting white girl wasted, making friends and, of course, not being there for the right reasons.
We, however, are here for the right reasons—to be judge-y. So let’s start judging.
Has hell frozen over? Is the end of the earth upon us? Because we’re pretty sure Chris Harrison promised us the “most dramatic season finale ever” and we’re fairly certain that this time he’s actually going to deliver. We just…we can’t even. Monday was just too much. We have a Bachelorette finale hangover and we’re only halfway through the finale.
OK, we have to admit … the Men Tell All show is like, our favorite episode of every season. We always look forward to it, and we love watching it. But not for the reasons you might think. Yes, we love seeing the contestants rehash all the drama, and we like seeing the Bachelorette confront the guys who were there to promote their business ventures and become famous and all that nonsense. But none of that is as entertaining as watching the audience’s reactions to what is unfolding before them. There is nothing better! If we didn’t get to see 85 different camera shots of these women making the judge-iest faces ever, what would be the point of this show?! That’s right. There would be no point.
The same goes for our recap. What would be the point of this stupid thing if we didn’t include these women and their reactions? So, of course, we will. And they were on point last night. If you’ve never really paid much attention to these women, prepare yourself. Because you are in for a real treat. So, without further ado, we present to you our Men Tell All recap (featuring the most judgmental women the producers could find):
Disclaimer: Right before an episode of the Bachelorette starts, we sit on the couch and flail around like a fish out of water. Seriously, we’re that excited. In fact, the only thing that makes us more excited than the Bachelor, Bachelorette and Bachelor Pad is recapping the Bachelor, Bachelorette and Bachelor Pad. Let’s just say we’re pretty giddy to start recapping this episode, so without further ado…
After an eternity (actually, two months) of waiting, The Bachelorette logo finally appeared on our television screen. What better way to honor America than watching a who’s who of America’s idiots and Prince Charmings compete for the affection of America’s Sweetheart? There is no better way.
We enjoyed every single second of that two-hour introduction to Desiree’s season and we’ve finally been able to stop hyperventilating with excitement long enough to write down our thoughts on the premiere.
Oh, Sean. We hardly knew ye as the Bachelor. These seasons just whiz by so fast. They say time flies when you’re having fun, but it also flies when you’re watching some delectable beefcake take his shirt off on the regs. We’ll miss Sean’s beefy arms and pecs … for about six days. Then we’ll see them on Dancing with the Stars and all will be right in the world again. But forget mirror ball trophies and televised weddings … we’ve got a finale to recap. Without further ado, here is our final recap of the greatest Bachelor season of them all. Continue reading →