Whatever the Heck We Want: The Bachelor Time Machine

In case you haven’t noticed, we really like things that are funny here at Bachelor Burn Book headquarters. Funny movies, funny TV shows, funny one-liners, we like ’em all. We would rather laugh than cry ANY DAY … unless of course, we’re crying from laughing, in which case we would pick crying over laughing and now we’re confused.

Anyway, we were laughing so hard during Andi and Kelly’s impression of Clare during this week’s episode. We didn’t cry, but we just laughed really, really hard. All that laughing got us thinking … what if Andi and Kelly were on every other Bachelor/Bachelorette/Bachelor Pad season? What if, for every awesome, hilarious, ridiculous moment in this show’s history, they were there, badly impersonating the contestants on this show? How awesome would that be?

The answer? Pretty dang awesome. While we can’t actually put them in a time machine and send them back to seasons past, we can make a top five list of moments we’d like them to impersonate, so that, if by some miracle of God, time machines ever do get invented, we wouldn’t have to waste time coming up with possible destinations. See? We plan ahead here at Bachelor Burn Book. (And if any of you happen to invent a time machine, you better call us first. Comprende?)

1. Blake, Blake, Blake

(Fast forward to the 10-minute mark. Or watch the whole thing. Whatever.)

Remember that time on Bachelor Pad when Melissa started stalking Blake Julian, saying his name over and over and over until he just got annoyed and was so ready to leave the Pad that he practically cannonballed out of there when he got voted off? We do! It’s one of our favorite Bachelor franchise moments of all time. In fact, whenever we meet someone named Blake or even hear the name Blake, we start incessantly repeating it until someone asks us to stop. No one else gets it, but it leaves us in stitches.

The best part about potentially sending Andi and Kelly back to this Bachelor Pad season to follow each other around repeating the name Blake over and over again is that it would certainly annoy the crap out of Melissa. She would think they were being mean and really they were just being funny. HA! This is our No. 1 reason why time machines need to be invented.

2. Get the eff out!

When Emily Maynard threatened to go West Virginia backwoods hood rat on Kalon, it pretty much made our lives. Emily definitely had her sassy pants on during her Bachelorette season and it made for some great television moments. That’s why, without a doubt, it would be super great if we could just drop Andi or Kelly behind Emily Maynard as she ripped Kalon a new one to impersonate her. What Emily was saying in this moment was awesome, but her widened eyes and pointed finger waving made it even better. Andi and Kelly behind Emily silently impersonating her? Epic.

3. Ali chases Justin “Rated R” Rego through a bush.

Picture this:  Just after Ali kicks Justin to the curb, here comes Andi, in a cast on one leg. Kelly is chasing her, demanding to know why she can’t admit to having a significant other back home. Andi climbs through a bush, cast and all. This moment was awesome when it happened in real time, but can you imagine it being reenacted?

4. AshLee loses it after getting sent home.

Remember that time Sean sent AshLee home after the Fantasy Suite dates, and she stared at him without saying anything? We all thought she was going to murder him. Well, we would want Andi and Kelly to pop up behind her and just stare at him. Just all three of them, staring him down, shooting daggers at him, silently tearing him limb from limb with their eyes—and then flipping out afterward.

5. Tierrable

Oh, if only Andi and Kelly had made the Bachelor cast just a year before Juan Pablo! They would have witnessed all of the fantastic Tierra moments that made Tierra so awful and the show so funny. They’d toss themselves down the stairs and pretend to get hypothermia and eat Big Macs and talk about their sparkle. It would be awesome. It would be epic. If this is not an argument for scientists to place a lot more attention on time travel, we don’t know what is.

What’s your favorite Bachelor franchise moment? Let us know in the comments or on Twitter @bachelorburnbk.

Want more Bachelor Burn Book? Follow us on Twitter @bachelorburnbk. We live tweet during every episode and offer our insights throughout the week on all things Bachelor-related.

Images on this blog are the property of ABC or their respectful owners.

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