Burning Questions: The Finale

It’s that time, y’all. Sean’s picking one lucky lady to spend eternity with…or so we hope. There are no guarantees in Bachelor world, but we sure hope that this is real true love. Until then, we have a few questions we hope get answered tonight.

1. Who is the letter from?

This question was basically spoon-fed to us via the 1,534 promos this season. Does Catherine write the letter? Lindsay? Sean’s mom? Maybe it’s an eleventh hour Hail Mary from Des? We’ve been teased with this darn letter for weeks now and chances are, none of the aforementioned people have written it. It’s probably written by Chris Harrison and includes some stellar advice like “Get this right.” Whatever it is, though, it brings Sean to tears. Real men cry, y’all.

2. Does Mrs. Lowe accept the idea of her son finding love on television?

We love a man that loves his mama, and it’s clear that Sean loves and respects Mama Lowe. We can’t blame her for being a wee bit skeptical about Sean meeting someone handpicked by producers, especially given the track record of the show. She’s being protective and we get that. However, we hope that she can eventually give Sean and his betrothed the crucial stamp of approval this episode. Believe in true love, Mrs. Lowe! Don’t doubt Chris Harrison’s matchmaking abilities!

3. Who is the next Bachelorette? 

We know, we know. We’ve barely put this season to bed (because Sean Lowe sure didn’t bed anyone! That was a virgin Bachelor joke. Nobody? Nobody? We’re hearing crickets, so we’ll move on), and we’ve already got our sights set on this summer’s season. If it’s anyone but Des, we’ll probably start flipping some tables (unless it’s Lesley. She’d be the greatest Bachelorette of all time). If it’s Lindsay or Catherine, we are going to lose it. But either way, we’ll be watching next season, and bringing you more burning questions. Thanks for reading this season. It’s been real.

The Hot Seat

Every week, we’ll pick one or two ladies who we think are in danger of getting sent home the following episode. Whether it’s because they’re causing tension in the mansion, had a night of drunken woopsies or just simply aren’t connecting with Sean, these ladies could find themselves in the Bachelor Burn Book Hot Seat … a place that would make even Regina George feel threatened.

Lindsay, come on down. We hate to break it to ya, but Catherine and Sean’s relationship just seems deeper and more solid than yours. Sure, you laugh a lot and you spend more time making out and talking, but Catherine and Sean just connect on a deeper level. Best of luck finding Lindsay. Also, best of luck finding a solid teaching job. It’s hard out here for a substitute teacher.

Want more Bachelor Burn Book? Follow us on Twitter @bachelorburnbk. We live tweet during every episode and offer our insights throughout the week on all things Bachelor-related.

Women Tell All: Burning Questions

The catfights! The heartbreak! The Eyebrow! We truly hope that all of this–and much more–is included in this season’s Women Tell All. We hope Tierra is still evil. We hope Lesley is still hilarious. We hope Daniella is still drunk. We also hope that we get these Burning Questions answered.

1. Will AshLee speak to Sean?

Or will she just stare? We’ve mentioned in our Power Rankings that we empathize with AshLee, but we still hope that she has collected her thoughts enough to actually talk to Sean and try to get some closure from this whole experience. The eliminations of Des and AshLee were heartbreaking for different reasons, but at least Des said her piece and can (hopefully) move on. We hope AshLee can do the same at Women Tell All.

2. Who the heck would marry Tierra?

Can we meet this guy? Is he a martian? Does he have no female friends that Tierra must associate with? Does he also have an uncontrollable eyebrow? We’re not sure what creature would marry Tierra, but we hope that they are very happy together. We would love to see Chris Harrison bring this guy out on stage and see what, exactly, he sees in Tierra that the rest of America didn’t get to see. But, alas, we fear that this is but an empty dream. This guy probably wants to stay on the DL until Tierra’s Bachelor drama blows over.

3. Is this the week Chris Harrison earns his paycheck?

Chris Harrison has one of the cushiest jobs in all of television. He jets around the country, organizes the picture room (no, just kidding, Elan probably does that) and gives awful advice that doesn’t really help anyone. That is, until Women Tell All. He has to manage 26 women talking at once, make at least two of them cry and then protect the Bachelor from all of the rejected contestants in case they decide to stage a mutiny, like the one at the water fountain at the mall. He’s basically the ringmaster of the Ringling Bros. circus only there are no animals, only women. This sounds like no fun, unless of course, you’re Chris Harrison. Because Chris Harrison is such a little skeeze.

The Hot Seat

Every week, we’ll pick one or two ladies who we think are in danger of getting sent home the following episode. Whether it’s because they’re causing tension in the mansion, had a night of drunken woopsies or just simply aren’t connecting with Sean, these ladies could find themselves in the Bachelor Burn Book Hot Seat … a place that would make even Regina George feel threatened.

There is no Hot Seat this week because this isn’t a real episode. It’s a filler episode where they get us really excited for the finale, feed us mere tidbits of updates about our favorite former contestants and we all watch anyways. We’re not complaining. We’re stating a fact. We love everything about the Bachelor and if they wanted to just show an hour of Sean showering, we’d be totally OK with that, DVR it, and watch it over and over again. Oh, wait, Millsy already pitched that? Never mind.

But you know what, just for the sake of it, we’ll put Tierra in the Hot Seat. At this point, we’re considering naming it the Hot Seat sponsored by Tierra’s Eyebrow.

Want more Bachelor Burn Book? Follow us on Twitter @bachelorburnbk. We live tweet during every episode and offer our insights throughout the week on all things Bachelor-related, except for this week ’cause we drunk.

Week 7: Burning Questions

Well, it’s Fantasy Suite time! Usually, this week is pretty cut and dry: a really long daytime date is followed by another dinner during which no one eats and, for dessert, the couple receives an awkwardly-worded letter informing them that, should they decide to take their relationship to the next level, they have a room waiting for them at this fancy hotel. Usually, the female accepts in a roundabout way because she doesn’t want the entire country to know that she’s willing to sleep with a guy after spending like two weeks with him. But this week, the Fantasy Suite dates have a new twist, which presents us with a lot of questions. Here’s what we’re hoping, nay, PRAYING, gets answered this week:

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Week 6: Burning Questions

Ah, the hometown dates are finally upon us. These are make-or-break dates for the remaining four women. If the parents are too overprotective, it can mean disaster (Kacie B. can attest to this). And if Sean doesn’t fit in with one of the girls’ families, well, they might as well pack their bags. Here’s what we’re hoping is answered this week:

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Week 5: Burning Questions

Wow. That two-night Bachelor event was pretty … eventful, to say the least. The four hours of Bachelor madness certainly did not disappoint. However, the fighting, crying and sled-riding also left us with a multitude of questions that are in search of some answers. Here’s what we’re wondering about heading into tonight’s episode:

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Week 4: Burning Questions

We’re dubbing this week the #BachelorBowl … two “halves” of Bachelor craziness interrupted by a long, torturous 22-hour intermission. We’ve got four glorious hours of Bachelor footage this week and we can barely contain our excitement. Here’s what we hope gets answered in the episodes this week:

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Week 3: Burning Questions

Every week, we eagerly tune into The Bachelor to watch how our favorite televised love story will unfold, and each week, we’re left with so many questions. What the heck did that contestant say? What in the world is Sean thinking? Why did she wear that? We needed a place to air out these questions and, hopefully, find some answers. Here are three things that left us wondering this week. Continue reading