This season has certainly been a good one. We started with 26 women, 80 percent of whom were either crazy, hammered, orange or all three. And now here we are — down to the final two. Even though this season has gone by much too fast, we’ve really enjoyed it. For one, the drama was crazy good. Everyone thought this season would be boring, but alas, it was filled with screaming matches, an uncontrollable eyebrow and classic underhanded moves that were once perfected by The Plastics.
While the drama kept us entertained, Sean was the reason we kept coming back. Yes, it was mostly because he is one fine-looking specimen, but it was also because he’s so genuine. Sean reminded both loyal and casual fans alike why we love this show. He’s a class act and a breath of fresh air from the usual douchey Bachelors who we end up hating by midseason. Sean went about this process the right way. He has revived The Bachelor fanbase and ABC’s ratings. Hallelujah!
Can you believe how fast this season has gone?! It feels like only a week or two ago we were ranking Kristy, the fame-hungry Tyra Banks wannabe, and Amanda, the voodoo-practicing, black lipstick-wearing girl who busted her face at the roller derby rink. It all happened so fast. They were all there, and then they weren’t. Now, here we are writing about the final three: AshLee, Catherine and Lindsay.
Hometown dates are arguably the most important week of the entire Bachelor season. No one wants to have crazy in-laws. No one wants to get stuck with a bunch of yo-yos, even if it is for the duration of a brief Bachelor relationship. As with every season, this was the make-or-break week for the ladies. So, where do we think the remaining girls stand in Sean’s mind after introducing their families? Read on, and you shall learn.
That’s how this week’s episode of The Bachelor made us feel. Horribly devastated. Sean missed out on a once-in-a-lifetime relationship with a great girl. She has a genuine heart, a kind soul and eyebrows that would make Andy Rooney from 60 Minutes jealous. We just can’t understand why Sean would send Tierra home. We simply have no words. The only thing we do know is that Sean will regret this later.
Haha, yeah right. Let’s get real and get busy ranking the women who actually deserve to still be on the show.
Seriously, can you recall in recent memory a time when the Bachelor sent home five girls in two episodes this far into a season? The mansion’s resident count dropped from eleven to six faster than we could say, “Looks like he’s headed for the projection room above the auditorium!” I mean, we know ABC has to stick to a strict timeline here, but what just happened? It was like The Bachelor Massacre. One minute, there was a house full of crazy, dramatic women, and the next minute, there was a house full of significantly fewer crazy, dramatic women. Tragic.
Not only will we remember this week as The Bachelor Massacre, we will also remember it as the week that our Power Rankings got cut in half. ABC and Sean Lowe are really ruining the blogging magic here. Nonetheless, we move onward and present to you our truncated Week 5 Power Rankings.
Sean’s pack of drunk crazies is rapidly getting smaller, but that certainly doesn’t mean there was a shortage of drama in the house this week. We were plenty entertained on Monday as Tierra pitched a hissy fit, Sean sampled “the chocolate” and Tony and Blakeley’s trailer from Bachelor Pad made an appearance during Selma’s one-on-one date. While a few of the women made some really boneheaded moves this week, others really turned on the charm … and probably Sean, too.
So, we took the summation of the women’s actions, or lack thereof, and developed a complex algorithm that helped us to create these wonderful Power Rankings. We spent a lot of time on this, so you better ‘preciate it.
Get excited! It’s time for another round of the Bachelor Burn Book Power Rankings!
Week three of Sean’s reign as the Bachelor wasn’t the most exhilarating two hours of television we’ve ever watched, but it was certainly very telling. For one, we learned that Kacie B. is a firm believer in self-sabotage. We also found out that Lindsay isn’t all that bad and … well, Tierra is. Finally, we were able to confirm through our very reliable and top secret sources that Kristy likes to have big hair so she can, in fact, fill it with secrets. So, why are these little nuggets of wisdom important? Because without them, we wouldn’t be able to form the superficial and premature judgments that make up these awesome power rankings!
Welcome back to the Bachelor Burn Book Power Rankings!
Another episode of The Bachelor has come and gone, and week two was filled with your stereotypical Bachelor staples: helicopter rides, plunges from tall buildings, awkward makeouts and snarky comments. Nonetheless, we thoroughly enjoyed it in all its glory, especially the part when Tierra exclaimed, “I’m not here to make friends.” How original of her!