Week 8: Power Rankings

We’re switching things up this week. The old Power Rankings rulebook is being temporarily thrown out because this season has become a little boring and why not.

The point of Power Rankings is to kind of guess and make predictions about what the Bachelor or Bachelorette is thinking on a week-to-week basis. But apparently, Des likes to speak in stream of consciousness and tell everybody exactly what she’s thinking the moment she’s thinking it. Soo, guessing is no longer necessary. Moral of this story? Des is a buzzkill.

But, we’re Bachelor Burn Book, so of course, we found a way to keep the party going. So, here’s what we’re gonna do:

We are going to give you five reasons why each guy from the top four (thanks for the rule of thumb, James) should become the next Bachelor and five reasons why he shouldn’t. Then, we’ll give you our highly-valued opinion on whether or not we think we can tolerate watching [insert name here] on TV for two and a half months. Everyone seems to be talking about who’s going to be the next Bachelor anyway, so we thought now would be the appropriate time to throw our two cents in. ABC/Bachelor executives: feel free to use this as a guide during this extremely important decision-making process.

Note: The guys will still be ranked according to the order that Des laid out for CH — just to keep a Power Rankings-ish feel to it. Also, we’ll briefly explain why they’re ranked where they are, just in case some of you were wasted or not paying attention (both very likely scenarios) these past two weeks.

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Week 8: The Nate Debate and Hometown Dates

Ahh, hometowns. It’s nice to see you.

Hometowns are basically the most important episode of the entire Bachelorette season. It’s the turning point, if you will. Some seasons, though, we run into the dilemma we had on Monday night, and that’s when all the hometowns go well and you know that hearts are about to go breakin’.

So while there might not have been any obnoxious brothers (at least until they returned to the Bachelor Mansion) or trips to the embalming table, there’s still LOTS to talk about with these families.

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Week 6: Power Rankings

We’re planning a revolt. A mutiny is imminent. Des is out of control.

Who does she think she is eliminating three guys at once this far into the season? She can’t just do that. There are rules. Who gave her all the power? Can somebody put a call in to Chris Harrison so we can restore order to this mess of a situation? Geesh, can somebody pull the reins in on her? Next thing you know, she’ll be sprinting to the altar faster than Damian was running to the projection room above the auditorium with Cady’s purse. Slow your roll, Des. We can’t rank all your boyfriends if there aren’t any left.

Obligatory Power Rankings explanation:

Every week, we’ll tell you who we think did the best, who did the worst and who got completely lost in the shuffle on the latest episode of The Bachelorette. We’ll rank (and kind of judge) the men based on their interactions with each other and with Desiree. Of course, we’ll factor in how we think Des views each of her suitors, as well. Just think of it as if we’re seating the men at the appropriate tables in the Mean Girls cafeteria.

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