Men Tell All: Juan Pablo, judge-y looks and more Juan Pablo

OK, we have to admit … the Men Tell All show is like, our favorite episode of every season. We always look forward to it, and we love watching it. But not for the reasons you might think. Yes, we love seeing the contestants rehash all the drama, and we like seeing the Bachelorette confront the guys who were there to promote their business ventures and become famous and all that nonsense. But none of that is as entertaining as watching the audience’s reactions to what is unfolding before them. There is nothing better! If we didn’t get to see 85 different camera shots of these women making the judge-iest faces ever, what would be the point of this show?! That’s right. There would be no point.

The same goes for our recap. What would be the point of this stupid thing if we didn’t include these women and their reactions? So, of course, we will. And they were on point last night. If you’ve never really paid much attention to these women, prepare yourself. Because you are in for a real treat. So, without further ado, we present to you our Men Tell All recap (featuring the most judgmental women the producers could find):

Continue reading

Advertisements

Week 6: Power Rankings

We’re planning a revolt. A mutiny is imminent. Des is out of control.

Who does she think she is eliminating three guys at once this far into the season? She can’t just do that. There are rules. Who gave her all the power? Can somebody put a call in to Chris Harrison so we can restore order to this mess of a situation? Geesh, can somebody pull the reins in on her? Next thing you know, she’ll be sprinting to the altar faster than Damian was running to the projection room above the auditorium with Cady’s purse. Slow your roll, Des. We can’t rank all your boyfriends if there aren’t any left.

Obligatory Power Rankings explanation:

Every week, we’ll tell you who we think did the best, who did the worst and who got completely lost in the shuffle on the latest episode of The Bachelorette. We’ll rank (and kind of judge) the men based on their interactions with each other and with Desiree. Of course, we’ll factor in how we think Des views each of her suitors, as well. Just think of it as if we’re seating the men at the appropriate tables in the Mean Girls cafeteria.

Continue reading

Week 6: Burning Questions

There are many crimes that one can be accused of in Bachelorette World. Some are serious, and others are very serious. When a Bachelorette contestant is accused of one of these crimes, he must go before Chris Harrison, the judge, the jury and the executioner in Bachelorette World (Des may think she has all the power, but let’s be real. We all know Chris Harrison is the one in charge here.). If a contestant finds himself in Bachelorette court, he may be charged with one or more of the following crimes:

  • Not being there to make friends
  • Going on the show to gain fame (both on Twitter and in real life)
  • Promoting one’s business ventures
  • Being an arrogant jerk
  • Being a drama-starter
  • Repeatedly claiming to be a “grown ass man”
  • Having a secret girlfriend back home
  • … And stuff like that

But there is one crime in particular that is more heinous than all the rest: faking your way through the show in order to become the next Bachelor. 😮

That is, indeed, the worst crime of them all, and it appears that James is charged with said crime this evening. So, is James a liar? Is he deceiving Des and all of Bachelor Nation? Will he have to face the wrath of Judge Chris Harrison? We ponder this and other super important stuff in the latest Burning Questions.

Continue reading

Week 5: Power Rankings

Three got their heads chopped off this week, and now only eight remain. A few of them are nice, some are cute, most are frat boy meatheads and pretty much all of them are crazy.

Aaand, these are the times when we’re glad we’re just doing the ranking and not the rose-doling.

Speaking of ranking, here’s the obligatory explanation of how the Power Rankings work:

Every week, we’ll tell you who we think did the best, who did the worst and who got completely lost in the shuffle on the latest episode of The Bachelorette. We’ll rank (and kind of judge) the men based on their interactions with each other and with Desiree. Of course, we’ll factor in how we think Des views each of her suitors, as well. Just think of it as if we’re seating the men at the appropriate tables in the Mean Girls cafeteria.

Continue reading

Week 4: Power Rankings

It’s getting down to the wire, folks! Well, not really. There’s actually like 11 guys left still. But it is getting down to a group of guys we actually recognize. The days of us frantically flipping through our notes to see if we wrote anything down on Anonymous Bachelorette Contestant #18 have passed, so now, we actually know who we’re making fun of. Oh yeah, that reminds us…

If you were one of Des’ early rejects who got less than six total minutes of airtime, we’re sorry if we said something about you that was rude, inconsiderate, insensitive, judgmental or the like. Blame the producers, not us. If they had given you more camera time, we could’ve made snarky comments that were a little more accurate. (Also, we’re only a little sorry, not super sorry.)

Anyway, Power Rankings, again. This is how it goes:

Every week, we’ll tell you who we think did the best, who did the worst and who got completely lost in the shuffle on the latest episode of The Bachelorette. We’ll rank (and kind of judge) the men based on their interactions with each other and with Desiree. Of course, we’ll factor in how we think Des views each of her suitors, as well. Just think of it as if we’re seating the men at the appropriate tables in the Mean Girls cafeteria.

Continue reading

Week 4: Storms and speedos

Say goodbye to the Bachelor Mansion, everybody. We’ve officially begun the jet-setting portion of the Bachelorette season. This means that all of the drama and hot tub excursions will be taking place in a different (and probably cleaner) setting. It’s all hotels and coach flights from here on out, people. How far will these contestants go for love? This week, they’d go as far as New Jersey. And boy, were they thrilled.
Continue reading

Week 4: Burning Questions

We are so unproductive on Mondays. Like, seriously, society would hate us if it knew how unproductive we were every Monday. We’re useless on Mondays mostly because, well, it’s Monday. But, more importantly, we don’t get anything done because it’s Bachelorette Monday! (Thanks, ABC. You’re going to make us lose the jobs we hope to have one day (soon) because of your show.) From the time we wake up until 8 p.m., all we do is waste time talking, tweeting, texting and whatever else about The Bachelorette. We also come up with stuff for this post too, so hey, that’s something, right?

We’ll do better tomorrow, society. In the meantime though, why not decrease your productivity and ponder these burning questions?

Continue reading