OK, we have to admit … the Men Tell All show is like, our favorite episode of every season. We always look forward to it, and we love watching it. But not for the reasons you might think. Yes, we love seeing the contestants rehash all the drama, and we like seeing the Bachelorette confront the guys who were there to promote their business ventures and become famous and all that nonsense. But none of that is as entertaining as watching the audience’s reactions to what is unfolding before them. There is nothing better! If we didn’t get to see 85 different camera shots of these women making the judge-iest faces ever, what would be the point of this show?! That’s right. There would be no point.
The same goes for our recap. What would be the point of this stupid thing if we didn’t include these women and their reactions? So, of course, we will. And they were on point last night. If you’ve never really paid much attention to these women, prepare yourself. Because you are in for a real treat. So, without further ado, we present to you our Men Tell All recap (featuring the most judgmental women the producers could find):
It’s Men Tell All time! Yay! This is always such a good episode because everyone is on their absolute worst behavior. Actually, watching the Men Tell All episode kind of reminds us of being home in Africa (we don’t really live in Africa). The guys settle things like they live in animal world.
Here’s to hoping for complete anarchy tonight. In the meantime, here’s what we’re wondering about heading into the drama-fest.
As you might’ve read, we had a little too much fun on America’s Birthday. If you happen to be clueless about our Fourth of July shenanigans, you may want to read “Week 6: The Glen Cocos” to get filled in. We didn’t do a whole lot over the weekend as you might imagine, but we at least used our recovery time to come up with these questions. See? We’re always thinking of you guys and this ridiculous show, even in our weakest moments. Now that is true dedication.
So you know that old Daryle Singletary song “I Ain’t Never Had Too Much Fun”?.
Well, it’s a lie. You can have too much fun. We know this, because that’s exactly what happened on the Fourth of July. We had too much fun and couldn’t pull ourselves out of the depths of our hangovers long enough to write the Glen Cocos and get them up on Friday like good little bloggers. This one’s on us, guys. We wouldn’t give us candy grams either.
So when we weren’t figuring out what to put on our tombstones when we inevitably succumbed from our excessive celebrating on America’s Birthday, we were trying to figure out how to make it up to you. We’ve decided on this. Not only are we going to give you the typical Glen Cocos, you’ll be able to find a nice little piece of advice from the Bachelor Burn Book think tank at the bottom of this post. It’s the best we could do, y’all.
Here’s a refresher on the Glen Cocos:
Basically, The Glen Cocos are a rotating awards system. We’ll make up a bunch of random awards and hand them out to people each week. Some will be serious. Most of them will (hopefully) be funny. In your mind’s eye, picture them being handed out by Chris Harrison dressed in a Santa suit.
We’re planning a revolt. A mutiny is imminent. Des is out of control.
Who does she think she is eliminating three guys at once this far into the season? She can’t just do that. There are rules. Who gave her all the power? Can somebody put a call in to Chris Harrison so we can restore order to this mess of a situation? Geesh, can somebody pull the reins in on her? Next thing you know, she’ll be sprinting to the altar faster than Damian was running to the projection room above the auditorium with Cady’s purse. Slow your roll, Des. We can’t rank all your boyfriends if there aren’t any left.
Obligatory Power Rankings explanation:
Every week, we’ll tell you who we think did the best, who did the worst and who got completely lost in the shuffle on the latest episode of The Bachelorette. We’ll rank (and kind of judge) the men based on their interactions with each other and with Desiree. Of course, we’ll factor in how we think Des views each of her suitors, as well. Just think of it as if we’re seating the men at the appropriate tables in the Mean Girls cafeteria.
If last week was Armageddon, this week’s episode should have been called There Will Be Blood (In Barcelona). James wants to be the Bachelor, three guys got sent home and our heads just exploded. Or maybe our heads exploded because we finally got some more Drew time this week. Whatevs, here’s the recap, ya filthy animals. Continue reading →
There are many crimes that one can be accused of in Bachelorette World. Some are serious, and others are very serious. When a Bachelorette contestant is accused of one of these crimes, he must go before Chris Harrison, the judge, the jury and the executioner in Bachelorette World (Des may think she has all the power, but let’s be real. We all know Chris Harrison is the one in charge here.). If a contestant finds himself in Bachelorette court, he may be charged with one or more of the following crimes:
Not being there to make friends
Going on the show to gain fame (both on Twitter and in real life)
Promoting one’s business ventures
Being an arrogant jerk
Being a drama-starter
Repeatedly claiming to be a “grown ass man”
Having a secret girlfriend back home
… And stuff like that
But there is one crime in particular that is more heinous than all the rest: faking your way through the show in order to become the next Bachelor. 😮
That is, indeed, the worst crime of them all, and it appears that James is charged with said crime this evening. So, is James a liar? Is he deceiving Des and all of Bachelor Nation? Will he have to face the wrath of Judge Chris Harrison? We ponder this and other super important stuff in the latest Burning Questions.