The Finale: All Des does is cry, cry, cry, no matter what

OK, OK, we’ll admit it. We were wrong. That two-part finale was everything we thought it wouldn’t be: dramatic, shocking, happy, sad, heartbreaking … pretty much any emotion you can think of. It was a roller coaster ride. We were convinced that this season would have the most boring and predictable ending ever. We gave Des a lot of flak for admitting so early on that she was in love with Brooks, and we hated on ABC even harder for not cutting out her numerous declarations of undying love. We saw this ending coming from a mile away. She was going to pick Brooks. But then, we got thrown for a loop, and nothing happened the way we thought it would. Maybe we’re just stupid, but we can honestly say that we didn’t know how this season was going to end until Des told Chris she loved him. Now THAT is the definition of a dramatic season. Well done, producers. It was nice to see Chris Harrison finally deliver on his oft-broken promise.

Alright, let’s get to the madness:

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The Finale: Burning Questions

This finale is going to be epiiiiiiiic. You know why? BECAUSE THERE MIGHT NOT BE A FINALE! Whaaaaa?!

Everything is broken. Des’ heart is broken. Brooks’ heart is broken. Neil Lane’s heart is broken because he might not get to give away a ring fo’ free. Brooks’ hair … well, that was always broken. Even Chris Harrison’s heart is broken. Basically, everything is broken. So, obvs, we’re super excited for tonight’s episode. What the deuce is going to happen?! How long will it take Des to stop crying and make a decision? Will Chris Harrison make everything better? We know every Monday we always say that we have a lot of questions about the upcoming episode, but this week, we are freakin’ serious. We ACTUALLY do have a lot of questions this time. Here are the three that have really been bugging us for the past 168 hours:

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Week 9: Power Rankings

Welcome, Bachelorette enthusiasts, to the final installment of Power Rankings for this season! If you found yourself clicking on the link to this post and thinking, “What in the hell? How they ‘posed to rank these guys? Des ain’t even like none of ’em.”, you’re in good company. We thought the same thing and we’re the ones writing this post.

So, as you might’ve guessed, the whole “I love Brooks and don’t even want to think about/look at/talk to/go on dates with the other guys” thing that Des said on Monday presents a bit of a problem for us. Des has two guys left, and she likes approximately zero of them. Fantastic.

Hopefully, we haven’t managed to talk you out of reading this. If we did … well, shit. For those of you who are still sticking around, we promise we’ll have something interesting to say, despite, well, you know … lookin’ at you, DES.

Alright, off we go.

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