Week 2: Life is all about straddling people

The second week of every Bachelor season is always one of our favorites because it reminds us of the show’s true meaning. During the premiere, it can be so easy to lose sight of this. But now that the first cocktail party is over and all of the sexual predators (ahem, Amy J.) have been weeded out, we can now focus on what this show is really about—over-the-top dates, crying in public restrooms, getting white girl wasted, making friends and, of course, not being there for the right reasons.

We, however, are here for the right reasons—to be judge-y. So let’s start judging.

Continue reading

Week 1: Power Rankings

Welcome to the Bachelor Burn Book Power Rankings, folks!

Juan Pablo has officially begun his quest to find love, and he’s got quite the journey ahead of him (We said journey. Drink!). With so many crazy wonderful women in the house, we could tell that Juan Pablo was feeling a little … overwhelmed meeting all of them. But not to worry, Juan Pabs. We are here to help you weed through the spray tans and horrible Spanglish to find the woman of your dreams (preferably one who can dance, since we know how important that is to you).

If you’re new to our Power Rankings, we’ll bring you up to speed. Here’s how it works:

Every week, we’ll tell you who we think did the best, who did the worst and who got completely lost in the shuffle on the latest episode of The Bachelor. We’ll rank (and kind of judge) the women based on their interactions with each other and with Juan Pablo. Of course, we’ll factor in how we think Juan Pabs views each of his female suitors, as well. Just think of it as if we’re seating the women at the appropriate tables in the Mean Girls cafeteria.

Continue reading