Week 3: The Glen Cocos

Is there any Mean Girls character more enigmatic than Glen Coco?

We know next to nothing about him, but we like to think that Glen Coco led a pretty awesome life. Think about it. This is the dude that gets to put “Received four candy grams and a shout-out from Santa Claus” on his resume. Would YOU move that resume to the bottom of the pile? WOULD YOU?! We didn’t think so.

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We like to think that Glen Coco would be pretty stoked to have an entire awards segment named after him. I mean, outside of Oscar (is that even a real person?), who else is the namesake of a freakin’ awards ceremony? No one, that’s who. The moral of the story is this: It’s good to be Glen Coco. It’s not good to be a contestant on The Bachelorette though, because you end up getting judged by people like us, who take your pain and turn it into jokes every week. But we digress. If you’re new here, here’s a primer on the Glen Cocos, named after the biggest mystery in the greatest movie of all time:

Basically, The Glen Cocos are a rotating awards system. We’ll make up a bunch of random awards and hand them out to people each week. Some will be serious. Most of them will (hopefully) be funny. In your mind’s eye, picture them being handed out by Chris Harrison dressed in a Santa suit.

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Week 3: Power Rankings

It’s Thursday. That means it’s time for a new set of Power Rankings. The concept is really simple — we make up the order in our heads and say whatever we want. If you’re still a tad confused, here’s a more in-depth explanation:

Every week, we’ll tell you who we think did the best, who did the worst and who got completely lost in the shuffle on the latest episode of The Bachelorette. We’ll rank (and kind of judge) the men based on their interactions with each other and with Desiree. Of course, we’ll factor in how we think Des views each of her suitors, as well. Just think of it as if we’re seating the men at the appropriate tables in the Mean Girls cafeteria.

Happy reading!

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Week 3: You threw rocks at my face!

Chris Harrison, you are a man with many tricks up the sleeve of your Chris Harrison Collection shirt.

And apparently, this was the week that he decided to unload all of those tricks. First, he reveals that there will be two group dates and only one one-on-one date. Then, he launches his own investigation into Brian’s shady past and storms into the mansion with some woman who is both angry and Brian’s girlfriend. Then, after that, he surprises us all with the announcement that a daytime pool party will be replacing the usual cocktail party. This episode was anarchy. All the rules were broken. We had to watch the episode twice just to make sense of it all. We’re still trying to wrap our minds around that whole pool party instead of cocktail party thing, but for the most part, we’ve figured it all out and we’re ready to break it down for ya:

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