Week 4: Burning Questions

Whew. We are all tuckered out from Sean and Catherine’s wedding!

With all the talk about grown sexy, the Honeymoon Suite Cam and more grown sexy, we need a break from this show for like, a hot second. We’re tired, mildly hungover and now frantically worrying if we will ever find a husband as perfect as Sean Lowe. It’s mentally exhausting. But ABC demands a lot of Bachelor Nation, so we gotta get focused and get ready for tonight’s episode of The Bachelor instead.

So, since all of you, like us, are probably spending today worrying whether you’ll ever find a husband like Sean Lowe, we’re here to help you take your mind off that for a few hours. Rather than freaking out over your love life, ponder over our Week 4 Burning Questions instead—because, honestly, we all know what’s more important here … The Bachelor, duh. You’ll figure out the whole marriage thing eventually.

1. Why in God’s name isn’t Chris Harrison doing his friggin’ job?

Chris Harrison, you lazy slacker. Where you at, bro?

Chris Harrison has effectively managed to NOT do his job this season—and we are just not havin’ it. His contract requires him to show up like, four times each episode, and he can’t even manage to do that. Where is he? And what is he doing instead of, you know, his job? We never know what he’s doooing.

Pretty sure we’ve seen him like, two times this entire season—once to tell us that Juan Pablo is the Bachelor (which we already knew, duh) and another to hand out a date card in a fugly blue Chris Harrison Collection monstrosity (like, ew no).

Chris Harrison shirt

Not once has he sat down with Juan Pabs in the room filled with pictures. Not one time! Heck, has he even shown up to the rose ceremonies to tell us there’s one rose left when we can clearly already see that?

CH, you have the easiest frickin’ job in the world—so DO IT.

If we don’t start seeing Chris Harrison on our TV more often, we will be writing a strongly worded letter to ABC. Somebody needs to right this wrong.

2. Is Clare going to get her act together?

Clare loses it

Oh, Clare. Clare, Clare, Clare. We had a feeling you were going to be—hmm, how shall we say this—the sensitive one of the group. When you are crying in the bathroom by Week 3, you know you’ve got a major problem. Even AshLee Frazier kept it together until the week of hometown dates—and she went completely off the deep end.

Clare is definitely a real piece of work, but that doesn’t mean she won’t make it far. She could be the contestant who gets sent home within the next week or two for being too clingy, or she could win this whole dang thing. It’s too early to tell. We could see Juan Pablo getting tired of the clinginess rather quickly, or he could reassure her all the way to the finish line.

3. Oh Renee, where art thou?

I think we speak for all of Bachelor Nation when we say, “Renee, where you at, girl?!” We totes thought Renee would be an early frontrunner this season, but the only thing she’s the frontrunner for is Reality TV Mom of the Year. Sure, she’s doing a strangely good job at being this season’s house mom, but we’re pretty sure that’s not why she signed up to be on The Bachelor. We could be wrong though … contestants have been known to come on this show for the wrong reasons.

So far, the only interaction we’ve seen between her and Juan Pablo was during the naked photo shoot for dogs. Whoop-de-doo. And the sad part is that she and Juan Pablo actually had strong chemistry. But, alas, no further interactions to speak of.

We hope this changes soon, because we think Renee is so fetch!

The Hot Seat

Every week, we’ll pick one or two ladies who we think are in danger of getting sent home the following episode. Whether it’s because they’re causing tension in the mansion, had a night of drunken woopsies or just simply aren’t connecting with Juan Pablo, these ladies could find themselves in the Bachelor Burn Book Hot Seat—a place that would make even Regina George feel threatened.

1. Danielle

Danielle

We’ve decided to make Danielle a Hot Seat regular for three reasons:

  1. Through three weeks, there remains not a single soul who has a clue who this girl is or where she came from. Even Juan Pabs is clueless.
  2. We are still bitter over the fact that she got to stay over Lucinda the Free Spirit/Nudist.
  3. Idk. Just because … reasons.

Want more Bachelor Burn Book? Follow us on Twitter @bachelorburnbk. We live tweet during every episode and offer our insights throughout the week on all things Bachelor-related.

Images on this blog are the property of ABC or their respectful owners.

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