There are some weeks when we really don’t want to write Burning Questions. Why? Because we can’t think of any questions to write.
…This is one of those weeks. We have racked our brains trying to think of something … anything to say in this post. But, alas, no thoughts (or questions) have emerged. Our creative juices have stopped flowing (probably because one of us has a never-ending cold), so we’ve given up. No Burning Questions this week. Sorry.
No, we’re totally kidding. We wouldn’t let you guys down like that. We’re too invested in this silly show not to think of a single question (well, three, actually). We had to dig deep, but we managed to come up with something for you fine folks to read. So, here they are—our Week 3 Burning Questions:
1. How long will Lucy the Nudist/Free Spirit stick around?
You know, as the weeks have gone by (all two of them), Lucy has grown on us. Now, before you’re all like, “GASP! What is wrong with you, Bachelor Burn Book writers?! I can’t believe you like Lucy!”, just calm yourself down for a second and hear us out.
It’s not like we’re big Lucy fans all of a sudden, but we have to admit, she is pretty funny. She just lives off in her own little nudist world, not caring what other people think of her. She’s not even trying to be funny … she’s just so crazy that she ends up being funny. Also, we have noticed that the other girls seem to get along with her pretty well, so aside from the nudity, she can’t be all that bad, right?
So this begs the question: How much longer will we be entertained by Lucy’s shenanigans? If we had to bet, we’d say a week to two weeks, tops. We can’t see her making the top 10. For now, it’s OK to keep her around because there’s so many girls. But if she stays around too much longer, it’ll become really obvious that the producers are making Juan Pablo keep her for entertainment value. Besides, we all know Lucy is only on the show to make friends and have a good time. Heck, she probably forgets Juan Pablo is there half the time!
So yes, we admit, we will be a little sad to see Lucy go whenever that happens.
2. Who is going to fill Victoria’s shoes?
This is the type of question that keeps us awake at night. (Well, not really. It’s mostly the head cold that’s been keeping one of us awake.) But for realz, we are very, very worried about this. Victoria has been our only source of drama to this point, and now, she’s gone! She was our only hope!
Now that Victoria has taken the crazy train back to Brazil or wherever it is she hails from, who is going to be the annoying, desperate drama-starter?! Someone has to step up to the plate! For the most part, everything has been sunshine and daisies in the Bachelor Mansion (womp womp). Everyone seems to be getting along, and no one has accused another contestant of not being there for the right reasons (womp womp, again). We’re sure someone is going to fill Victoria’s shoes, but who? Will it be Lucy, or could it end up being someone else? Let us know what you think in the comments section below!
3. Who will be the first girl to go all crazy, jealous stalker on Juan Pablo?
You know what girl we’re talking about. Every season has one. She’s the one who seems to forget that there’s 25 (or 27) women competing for one Bachelor. As tears stream down her face, she wonders if said Bachelor has forgotten her and the wonderful time they spent together. She cries out to the Bachelor gods above, “Why, Bachelor gods?! Why is he kissing these other women?!”
So, who is going to be this season’s crazy, jealous girl? (Note: They’re all crazy and jealous to some degree, but we’re specifically talking about the one who can’t figure out how to hide it.) Our money is on Clare. Clare is one of our favorites right now, but we have to call a spade a spade. She seems like someone who might get attached veryyy quickly. Plus, she had the first one-on-one date, the first kiss, the first private concert with some random guy—and now she’s going to be stuck on group dates or without a date for like, the next eight weeks.
She may not go super stalker on him, but she’s definitely going to be a jealous crier. We can feel it.
The Hot Seat
Every week, we’ll pick one or two ladies who we think are in danger of getting sent home the following episode. Whether it’s because they’re causing tension in the mansion, had a night of drunken woopsies or just simply aren’t connecting with Juan Pablo, these ladies could find themselves in the Bachelor Burn Book Hot Seat—a place that would make even Regina George feel threatened.
Here’s what happens when we’ve heard you say two words in two episodes:
You wind up in the Hot Seat, and we leave you here until you go home. Better get comfy, Danielle.
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