Today is the day! Get out your wine glasses! Prepare a feast! Call your friends! Kick your men out of the house for the evening! Hide yo kids! Hide yo wife! Because The Bachelor is back!
To kick off the celebration of this glorious day in Juanuary, we present you with our three Burning Questions for tonight’s premiere. If you are new to Bachelor Burn Book or have never read our Burning Questions segment, allow us to explain how it works … there are three Burning Questions. The end.
1. Will the First Impression Rose finally be brought back?
Seriously, does the First Impression Rose even exist anymore? What the deuce happened to that whole system? Since Sean Lowe just decided to come in and blow it out the water like he owned the frickin’ joint, the First Impression Rose has since withered up and died apparently.
We hate to bash Sean and Des, but their system sucked. You can’t give 12 out of 25 people a rose before the first rose ceremony. It takes the suspense out of the whole thing! They were giving those roses out like they were Oprah! Somebody could go up to them and say “hello,” and Sean and Des would be like, “You get a rose! And you get a rose! And you over there! You get a rose, too!” Where’s the suspense and drama in that? It’s much more fun to watch 25 drunk people fight to get one rose. Therefore, we call for an official reinstatement of the First Impression Rose (and pray to the Bachelor gods that ABC was smart enough to dump Sean and Des’ system).
2. Who’s going to be this season’s drama-starter?
This has now become a standard question that we all ask ourselves at the start of each season. Which one of the 25 (or 27, rather) is absolutely friggin’ insane and looking to cause trouble? Who forgot their crazy pills at home and decided to curse Juan Pablo out in a public restroom? Every season’s got one. It’s just a matter of figuring out who it is.
Aaaaand this season’s lucky winner is … Lucy!
After reading her bio (check out our Preseason Power Rankings here if you’d like to read some of the highlights), we pretty much figured she was nuts. But after seeing that “Countdown to Juan Pablo” special last night, our suspicions have indeed been confirmed. Let us recap, shall we? Chris Harrison shows up to tell her she’s been selected for The Bachelor, and she jumps on him like a drunk girl at a bar. Literally, she STRADDLED her legs around him. Was that necessary? I mean, we know Chris Harrison is such a little skeeze, but come on…
Then, as if that wasn’t enough to convince us, they show her wildly jumping on a bed wearing only her underwear and a shirt she probably purchased from Baby Gap. And, to top it all off, she listed her occupation as “Free Spirit.” Really? …Really?
Do we need to go any further to convince you that the loud, unemployed, half-naked girl who threw herself at Chris Harrison is going to be the troublemaker? We think not.
3. Is Camila going to be the new Ricki?
God, we hope not. Listen, Camila is a cute kid. In fact, she’s freakin’ adorable. Our cold little hearts melted every time they showed her during last night’s special. We loved seeing Camila bond with Juan Pablo at the park and bake him fake cookies. BUT, we do have a limit…
During Emily’s season, they were dragging Ricki halfway across the freaking world for weeks at a time. The producers would show her in as many scenes as possible, as Emily kept trying to decide whether or not to introduce her to Arie and Jef. It was just all a little too much. Honestly, we’d have to imagine that got pretty tiring for Ricki, too.
We love seeing how Camila is the center of Juan Pablo’s life, but we hope she’s not in the show every week. A Camila cameo is cool every now and again, but hopefully, they keep her out of this crazy show for the most part. Her father is dating 27 women at once, after all.
What do you guys think about having the Bachelor/Bachelorette’s kids featured on the show? Bueno o no bueno? Let us know in the comments below!
See you crazies tonight!
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