Men Tell All: The Glen Cocos

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

Glen Coco

OK, so it’s actually not, but if we were doing a Top 10 list of best television events in a year, Men Tell All would definitely be up there. Where else can we see a bunch of dudes reunite and engage in petty cat fights? Nowhere, that’s where. Some of the guys really brought the drama during this year’s Men Tell All installment, so we decided to give them props. For those of you who are new around here (you know, like Cady was), here’s how the Glen Cocos work:

Basically, The Glen Cocos are a rotating awards system. We’ll make up a bunch of random awards and hand them out to people each week. Some will be serious. Most of them will (hopefully) be funny. In your mind’s eye, picture them being handed out by Chris Harrison dressed in a Santa suit.

Best Dark Horse Bachelor Candidate Award

JUANNNNNNN PABLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Oh, how we adore you. Since Des has basically ruined her own season, we’ve spent the past two weeks nominating people to be the Bachelor. Seriously, this discussion happens at least once a day, because ain’t nobody care about the Bachelor as much as we do. Seriously, try us. We care a lot. Anyways,  we’d always include the usual suspects: Arie, Jef, Zak, Chris, you know, the regulars. And every time, we’d keep circling back to Juan Pablo. We didn’t feel right putting him on the list because he’d finished like, sixth, and no one who finishes sixth (or seventh or eighth or wherever the heck he finished) should be the Bachelor…right? Wrong. So, so wrong. Apparently, the Bachelor producers are flies on our apartment wall (sorry about coming at y’all with that flyswatter) or they had the same qualms about Juan Pablo. Therefore, they did what any good producing team would do: they threw Juan Pablo to the wolves and tested the reaction of the Men Tell All audience. And they loved him. I mean, how could you not? Look at this face!

Juan Pablo perfect

If Juan Pablo isn’t the next Bachelor, we’ll eat our hat. And then go sit in the corner and cry because A) we just ate a hat, which is not edible, and B) Juan Pablo isn’t the Bachelor, so what’s the point of keeping it together?

The Best Judge-y Face Award

Confession: sometimes, we practice our most judgmental faces in the mirror so we’ll be prepared if we ever manage to sneak into the Men Tell All audience. How does one obtain tickets to this extravaganza? We’re asking for a friend. If you happen to know, please send a carrier pigeon with the information to us because this is super important. Anyways, we practice our judge-y faces because we know that we are going to have to bring our A-game if we’re ever going to dethrone this lady in the blue:

Judge-y women5

Who can compete with that? You’re setting us up for a loss already.

The Thanks For The Honesty Award

Chris Harrison, you fine television host, you. Is there any reality TV host as beloved as you are? We’re guessing no. And what’s the reason you’re so widely beloved? Because you’re honest. You’ve been spittin’ hyperbole for years but NOT THIS TIME. This time it really is the “most dramatic finale ever”. We believe you, Chris. Don’t let us down.

The Bombshell Award

So, apparently, what happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas. We’re guessing Ben and Dan are nodding their heads in agreement. Here’s a quick recap: Dan was in Vegas and Ben’s baby mama allegedly came up to him, nay, CHASED after him and told him the whole sordid “truth” about Ben and what a bad, bad person he is. We don’t exactly believe her, but that’s Dan’s story and he’s sticking to it. This story would probably have been more believable if we knew/cared who Dan was. Either way, he is sharing this award with Ben’s baby mama.

Want more Bachelor Burn Book? Follow us on Twitter @bachelorburnbk. We live tweet during every episode and offer our insights throughout the week on all things Bachelor-related.

Images on this blog are the property of ABC or their respectful owners.

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