Men Tell All: Burning Questions

It’s Men Tell All time! Yay! This is always such a good episode because everyone is on their absolute worst behavior. Actually, watching the Men Tell All episode kind of reminds us of being home in Africa (we don’t really live in Africa). The guys settle things like they live in animal world.

Here’s to hoping for complete anarchy tonight. In the meantime, here’s what we’re wondering about heading into the drama-fest.

1. Will Jonathan get a chance to explain why he was such a frickin’ creep?

Jonathan

You all remember Jonathan, right? He didn’t stick around long, but he was that guy who desperately tried to convince Des to go to the boom boom room with him like, five times in two hours. Remember him? Yeah, the love tank guy. That’s Jonathan.

We feel like this situation is one that needs to be addressed, no? He offered Des a fake fantasy suite key and then looked confused, of all things, when she didn’t accept! This definitely deserves an explanation. What does this guy have to say for himself? Was he so wasted that he didn’t realize what a douche he was being? Did he think the Bachelor Mansion was a college dive bar, where this type of proposition is accepted on the regs? Or is this just typical behavior for him that he’ll only pretend-apologize for? It’s probably the latter — because, seriously, nobody does that just one time — but we’d still like to hear him stumble through an explanation. Mostly because it’ll probably be funny and awkward.

Also, can we get an update on the love tank? Is it still full? Has it been depleted recently? Why is his love tank “self-replenishing?” What does that even mean? Soo many questions…

2. Will Michael attempt to cross-examine and impeach Ben again?

If we’re not mistaken, this will be the first time Michael and Ben have been in the same room since the two-on-one date from hell. Remember that trainwreck? It went something like this:

Ben: Yeah, so, my son is such a big part of my life and…

Michael: Do you even have a son, Ben? Is it or is it not true that the kid you brought to LA isn’t even yours?!

Ben: …As I was saying, my son is so important to me. Every year, we always go to the Easter service at our church and we…

Michael: WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL YOUR SON ON EASTER, BEN? ARE YOU EVEN A CHRISTIAN?!

Obviously, these two did not part on good terms. So, what’s going to happen tonight? You know CH is going to address the Ben situation. Will Michael and his buddies gang up on him again? Will they just ignore each other? Orrrr … what if Michael actually apologizes? ……………………………………….Hahaha, nahhhh. The producers won’t let that happen. It wouldn’t make for good TV. We definitely feel an aggressive cross-examination coming on.

3. Will James and Mikey be in attendance? What will Des say to them?

We can’t imagine these two not being there tonight, but we have to wonder because, apparently, James has been pretty busy lately. According to his Twitter account, he’s been on a boat for a charity event, so you never know. Maybe Mikey and the hoes they discussed went with him, and the event just so happened to overlap with the filming of Men Tell All. Unlikely, but possible. You know how much they love their boat rides…

But let’s assume for a minute that they are both in attendance. How is this going to play out? All the drama went down after Mikey left, so he never got a chance to tell his side of the story. James basically threw Mikey in front of a bus and let him get hit by it, Regina George-style.

He insisted that Mikey said everything and all he did was go along with it and say “yeah.” So, what will Mikey do? Will he back up James’ story and take the fall? Or will he say the conversation happened differently? More importantly, now that Des has seen what she couldn’t see then, what will she say to the Meathead Duo? Too bad it’s like, super unlikely that she’ll pull an Emily Maynard and tell them to get the f*ck out.

Since it’s Men Tell All week, the Hot Seat shall remain vacant until the fantasy suite dates next week. So, what the hey, let’s do a bonus question!

4. Will we get to hear from Juan Pablo?

Juan Pablo

Please let the answer be yes. Please let the answer be yes. We didn’t get to hear from Juan Pablo nearly enough this season, so the least Chris Harrison can do is let him speak freely for a good 20 minutes. Trust us, NO ONE will get bored. We neeeeed to hear about Juan Pablo’s life. What has he been doing since he left the show? Is he single? What are his future plans? Do they involve becoming the next Bachelor? Or, better yet, do they involve us? These are the things we want to know.

Producers, don’t let us down here. Give the people what they want … which is approximately 20 minutes of Juan Pablo airtime tonight and then three more months of him starting in, say, January 2014.

Want more Bachelor Burn Book? Follow us on Twitter @bachelorburnbk. We live tweet during every episode and offer our insights throughout the week on all things Bachelor-related.

Images on this blog are the property of ABC or their respectful owners.

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