We dropped the ball — again.
We’re late on The Glen Cocos — again. We totes understand if you never forgive us. Seriously, being late on the Glen Cocos? That’s worse than when Cady skipped Janis’ art show and decided to throw a party while her parents were out of town instead! We’ll do better next time, but sometimes sh*t happens. Anyways, here’s the drill:
Basically, The Glen Cocos are a rotating awards system. We’ll make up a bunch of random awards and hand them out to people each week. Some will be serious. Most of them will (hopefully) be funny. In your mind’s eye, picture them being handed out by Chris Harrison dressed in a Santa suit.
The Casual Jogger Award
You know we givin’ this one to Brooks. Definitely Brooks.
Des loves Brooks. Brooks … well, he isn’t so sure. We’re pretty perplexed about this because Brooks is clearly the frontrunner — or, front-jogger — at this point. Those previews showed a lot of Des crying and we can’t help but fear that the cause of those tears is not Drew, but Brooks (the horror!). Producers, say it ain’t so. We don’t think we could handle Des’ heartbreak if Brooks tells her that he ain’t ready for marriage.
The We Can’t Believe Anything On This Show Anymore Award
Remember when we gave Brooks the We Have a Very Bad Feeling About This Award? Oh, you do? Guessing that’s because that was literally the previous section, but we digress. When we first saw all the previews about Des crying, we thought it was all Drew’s fault. Now, we’re not so sure. Maybe Drew tells her he thinks Brooks isn’t ready for marriage? And also, why would the producers allow us to see that Des had “crossed the finish line” with someone when there’s still like, four guys left? This is fishy, guys. We don’t trust you, producers (and whoever else makes the promos). We don’t trust you as far as we could throw you, and that’s why you all deserve this award. The whole lot of you. P.S. Dear readers, if we go missing, it’s because we know too much and were a little too right about Brooks being the source of Des’ despair.
The Our Ears Are Bleeding Award
This is for you, Chris. No more poetry. No more poetry. No more poetry. No more poetry. No more poetry. No more poetry. No more poetry. No more poetry. No more poetry. No more poetry. No more poetry. No more poetry. No more poetry. No more poetry. We don’t think we can be any more clear about this. We just can’t handle the rhyming anymore.
The Mama’s Boy Award
Listen, a guy who appreciates his mama is super attractive. But calling your mama on national TV from a limo after you’ve been rejected on a dating show? The only way that could be worse is if she says something along the lines of “Here we go again.” Oh, wait, that happened? Ouch, Michael. We figured it was Michael’s time to go, but we’re kind of bummed we didn’t get to see his mama in action on the hometown dates. She sounds kind of cool — like she doesn’t stand for any BS. This was a missed opportunity, for sure.
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