Week 4: The Glen Cocos

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There’s one key difference between Sean Lowe and Desiree Hartsock.

Sean tried to kill his potential suitors with dangerous dates. Desiree just tries to embarrass hers.

I mean, a Mr. America pageant? That’s awkward. Watching the contestants struggle to find talents, squeeze into speedos and parade around was hilarious for us, but it probs made the men a little bit red in the face. In the end, Kasey won the Mr. America crown (congrats, we guess?), but fear not, men of the group date! We’re here to numb the pain you’re feeling about being losers. We’ve also got some awards to hand out, and we won’t even make you fake cry while you accept them. If you want to take your shirt off though, we’re perfectly OK with that.

Here’s how the Glen Cocos work:

Basically, The Glen Cocos are a rotating awards system. We’ll make up a bunch of random awards and hand them out to people each week. Some will be serious. Most of them will (hopefully) be funny. In your mind’s eye, picture them being handed out by Chris Harrison dressed in a Santa suit.

The Look, We Care Award

Usually, Bachelorette dates are all about extravagance. Fine wine, hundreds of candles that have been carefully lit by interns and, of course, helicopters — lots and lots of helicopters. But every so often, this show throws us for a loop and does something so absolutely sweet that we can’t help but gush and cry happy tears into our wine. This week was one of those weeks. The date with the Seaside couple was so sweet that we had to give the producers props. Congratulations on the the Look, We Care Award, Bachelorette producers. You put together a great date and we enjoyed watching Des and James do a good deed for a couple who really needed it.

The Dude Looks Like a Lady Award

Those heels were genius, Chris. You got Des to help you buckle them, and you showed even more of your joking side. You balanced out your goofiness with your poetry confession (kind of odd, we must admit, but whatevs), and you’re clearly the frontrunner for Des’ heart at this point. Also, we hope your time in high heels gave you a new appreciation for women, who suffer through the day while balancing on stilts. Seriously. Those things are no joke. The things we do to look good for the dudes…

The No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problems Award

This is a misnomer. It goes to Drew, who we would prefer to not wear a shirt ever again. Like, ever. So basically, Drew, wear shoes if you want. Have problems, if you want. But shirts are no longer necessary. Carry on.

The Fall from Grace Award

Bryden. Bryden, Bryden, Bryden. We were rooting for you, buddy. You seemed perfect, except for the accident photos thing. That was kind of weird. But, bro, now you’re trying to grab some attention by threatening to leave. We don’t like this at all. If you’re not feeling it, that’s cool. But you went from this sweet, shy, nervous guy to a guy who is wavering between accepting a rose or heading home earlier. What the heck? Make up your mind. We hope your intentions are true. If not, there won’t be a helping of Ben and Jerry’s big enough to ease our pain.

Want more Bachelor Burn Book? Follow us on Twitter @bachelorburnbk. We live tweet during every episode and offer our insights throughout the week on all things Bachelor-related.

Images on this blog are the property of ABC or their respectful owners.

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