Week 4: Burning Questions

We are so unproductive on Mondays. Like, seriously, society would hate us if it knew how unproductive we were every Monday. We’re useless on Mondays mostly because, well, it’s Monday. But, more importantly, we don’t get anything done because it’s Bachelorette Monday! (Thanks, ABC. You’re going to make us lose the jobs we hope to have one day (soon) because of your show.) From the time we wake up until 8 p.m., all we do is waste time talking, tweeting, texting and whatever else about The Bachelorette. We also come up with stuff for this post too, so hey, that’s something, right?

We’ll do better tomorrow, society. In the meantime though, why not decrease your productivity and ponder these burning questions?

1. Is Bryden about to commit the ultimate Bachelor/Bachelorette no-no?

As Bachelor superfans, we all know what the ultimate no-no is:

You must never, ever speak ill of another contestant when talking to the Bachelor or Bachelorette. It is a sin to bring the drama in the house to his or her attention. If any one contestant chooses to commit this forbidden act, they are usually cast away by the now-annoyed Bachelor or Bachelorette and left crying and rose-less. This is a very, very bad thing to do, and we believe Bryden is about to be the next offender. It appears that Bryden, who hasn’t really been involved in all the drama to this point, has had enough of Ben and wants to warn Desiree about him. This is the part where we go, “Yep, he’s never seen this show before.” What a noob. Didn’t he see what happened to Kacie B. last season or Emily O’Brien during Ben’s season? Obvs not. At this point, we just hope he doesn’t suffer that same fate (if he does, then Des is stupid).

Bryden, we hope you make it out alive. May the odds be ever in your favor.

2. Who is Drew and why is he not on our TV screen?

This situation is tragic, ya’ll. Drew is the most gorgeous man left on this show (well, actually, it’s a toss-up between him and Juan Pablo), but somehow, he only gets approximately 31 seconds of airtime per episode. Do you guys see a problem with this? Because we do. A lack of camera time could either mean: 1) he doesn’t make it very far, or 2) he makes it really far. Now, producers, do you see how that could be a tad confusing?

Drew seems like one of those quiet guys who could make it to the end, but we’re speculating, of course, because we don’t know anything about him. He might even be someone who’s there for the right reasons, but we don’t know anything about him, so maybe not. Basically, what we’re trying to say here is that we would like to see more of Drew because, well, he’s good-looking. Oh yeah, and also because we don’t know anything about him.

3. Is Ben really a villain or just your average, run-of-the-mill toolbag?

If he’s the former:

He needs to ramp it up a notch. Start being more douche-y, Ben. Start punching guys in the face. Say horrible, nasty things. Reveal your second face (that was our creative way of telling him to be two-faced). Do things that make us save a spot for you next to Tierra in the Bachelor Burn Book. Once you have successfully completed all of these things, young grasshopper, you shall then be called “villain.”

If he’s the latter:

Well, then, that’s to be expected. We can’t really vilify him just for being cocky and bold. If we did, then we’d have to hate 87 percent of all the guys who come on this show. Aren’t pretty much all of them arrogant and full of themselves? Ben is just being a little extra arrogant and full of himself.

Ben is obnoxious, don’t get us wrong. We just need to see more from him before we crown him as this season’s villain. What do you all think? Let us know in the comments below!

The Hot Seat

Every week, we’ll pick one or two dudes who we think are in danger of getting sent home the following episode. Whether it’s because they’re causing tension in the mansion, had a night of drunken woopsies or just simply aren’t connecting with Des, these men could find themselves in the Bachelor Burn Book Hot Seat … a place that would make even Regina George feel threatened.

1. Kasey

Kasey

After that horribly horrible one-on-one date last week, there’s just no way Kasey makes it much further. There’s just no way. His date with Des was so forced. He may be a really nice, fun guy to be around, but the chemistry just wasn’t there. Don’t worry, Kasey. It’s not you. It was that whole speaking in hashtags thing.

2. Mikey

Mikey

We aren’t budging. We refuse to give up. He will sit here until kingdom come if necessary. Besides, he has to get sent home soon, right? …Right?

Want more Bachelor Burn Book? Follow us on Twitter @bachelorburnbk. We live tweet during every episode and offer our insights throughout the week on all things Bachelor-related.

Images on this blog are the property of ABC or their respectful owners.

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