Week 3: Burning Questions

Ready for honesty hour? We’ve been discussing this week’s preview of The Bachelorette since, well, Monday at 10:01 p.m. There are Bachelorette episodes and then there are BACHELORETTE EPISODES, and this week’s ‘sode is clearly going to be the latter. From what we can glean from the preview, we’re about to embark on a two-hour journey that includes a girlfriend (GASP!), a fight (EEP!) and all the other requisite drama that permeates Bachelorette world (WOOT WOOT!). So before we settle in for the madness, here are a few questions we’ve come up with in the past 166 hours.

1. Who gets his face rearranged?

And does his nose look like Owen Wilson’s after? And what sort of behavior could be deemed offensive enough to merit a knuckle sandwich? What is this, the Bad Girls Club? We’re hoping Desiree will not stand for this barbaric fighting crap. We also hope the target wasn’t someone with a beautiful face, like Brandon or Drew, because that would give us the sadz.

2. Can Brandon avoid becoming the next Kasey Kahl?

Or is it already happening? We can’t get over that shot of Brandon creepin’ on Ben and Des during the group date. That’s literally the worst thing you can do on this show (you know, besides having a girlfriend or punching someone in the face). The second you start comparing your relationship to another contestant’s it’s allll over. You get clingy. You get creepy. You start to cry and talk about crushing butterflies and coming on too strong. Don’t be this person, Brandon. It doesn’t end well. And you know how we know it doesn’t end well? Because we’ve watched this show for a reallllly long time (we say that with only a little bit of shame).

3. Will we ever be able to hear the phrase “right reasons” and NOT think about that awful video?

No. We don’t think that there’s any way to un-hear what has been heard. Thanks to Chris Harrison, Desiree Hartsock, Soulja Boy and the rest of the contestants, we will never again be able to hear the phrase “not here for the right reasons” without immediately bursting into song. We blame you, ABC. This is 100 percent YOUR FAULT.

The Hot Seat

Every week, we’ll pick one or two dudes who we think are in danger of getting sent home the following episode. Whether it’s because they’re causing tension in the mansion, had a night of drunken woopsies or just simply aren’t connecting with Des, these men could find themselves in the Bachelor Burn Book Hot Seat … a place that would make even Regina George feel threatened.

1. Mikey

Mikey

That seat getting comfy, Mikey? We hope so because we are so not your biggest fans. This guy seems like a real tool. He’s stirring up trouble and we don’t like that. His only redeeming quality is that he was pretty funny in the Right Reasons video. But a funny performance in a music video does not a good relationship make. We think Des sends his butt home.

2. Michael G.

Michael G.

We fear it may be a bad week to be named Michael. We like Michael, but his desire to be in the middle of drama could be his downfall. There’s clearly a lot of drama this week and we have a hard time anticipating a dramatic situation that doesn’t somehow have Michael G. involved. This is one of those Hot Seat picks that we really hope we’re wrong about, but our gut says he might have had his last disagreement.

Want more Bachelor Burn Book? Follow us on Twitter @bachelorburnbk. We live tweet during every episode and offer our insights throughout the week on all things Bachelor-related.

Images on this blog are the property of ABC or their respectful owners.

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