Week 2: Power Rankings

‘Tis time for another round of Power Rankings. This episode is always one of our favorites because it’s the first time we get to see the guys after that first cocktail party. We get to start seeing the men interacting with each other and opening up about their backstories. This is when we begin to figure out who the macho men are and who the more … sensitive men are. We love it.

OK, let’s start judging them:

Every week, we’ll tell you who we think did the best, who did the worst and who got completely lost in the shuffle on the latest episode of The Bachelorette. We’ll rank (and kind of judge) the men based on their interactions with each other and with Desiree. Of course, we’ll factor in how we think Des views each of her suitors, as well. Just think of it as if we’re seating the men at the appropriate tables in the Mean Girls cafeteria.

1. Brooks

Brooks

Last week: #5

This was Brooks’ week. He is now and probably will be the guy to beat. But he’ll be the guy to beat that no one is actually trying to beat. We can already see how this is going to play out. The other men are going to be so preoccupied with “exposing” Ben and whomever else decides to be a butthead that they’re not even going to realize that Brooks is doin’ work.

Gotta watch out for the quiet ones…

2. Bryden

Bryden

Last week: #3

Bryden is such a nice guy whose heart really seems to be in the right place. And we loved how awkwardly cute his date with Des was. Let’s recap, shall we?

Kite-flying: fail

Brie knowledge: super fail

Randomly sharing pictures of you in the hospital post-accident: ???

Having an awkward Doug Clerget moment while in the hot tub with Des: oh yeah

EMILY MAYNARD, DOUG

But, despite the awkward moments, the date was perfect. Bryden is a truly humble gentleman who is just simply being himself (GASP! On The Bachelorette?!). Now, if only we could do something about those bangs…

BL7TzeeCEAAPXKn

By the way, Bryden tweeted this picture, so obviously, he’s got a good sense of humor too.

3. Drew

Drew

Last week: #2

Drew had a super quiet week. Actually, did we hear from him at all? Usually, this would be a bad thing, but because it’s Drew, we’re not worried. I mean, look at him. He is one gorgeous man. He’ll get his chance.

4. Ben

Ben

Last week: #1

Ben is a tough one to figure out. We don’t dislike him, but we don’t exactly like him either. He’s being painted as the villain, but we’re not sure why yet. The guys are saying he’s two-faced, but right now, we’re only seeing one face. Is Ben a tool? Yes. Is he a little arrogant? Absolutely. We don’t like that he rudely interrupted Michael’s conversation when he already had a rose, but other than that, we can’t find a major offense at this point. We need more time before we can decide whether he’s truly a villain or just the guy with that “First Impression Rose target” on his back.

5. Brandon

Brandon

Last week: #4

OK fine, we’ll admit it. Brandon is a little over-the-top. He took it a bit too far. He’s got a lot of emotions, and it’s only week two. Brandon definitely needs to tone it down, but he’s still one of our faves. Maybe this is like a “love at first sight” thing for him. Maybe he’s just an emotional dude. We’ll cut him some slack for now, but Brandon, we beg of you. Please do not become the next Kasey Kahl.

6. Zak

Zak W.

Last week: #16

Boy, Zak has been all over the board so far. We started him out at number one, then he plummeted down to sixteenth because he came to the mansion sans clothes, and now we’ve got him back up to sixth. Chris Harrison was right. Zak is slowly starting to redeem himself. Despite his awful spray tan, maybe he’s not the toolbag we all thought he was. The antique diary was a good place to start, but he’s still got quite a ways to go on the road to recovery.

7. Chris

Chris

Last week: #11

Here’s another quiet one to watch out for. We haven’t heard from him much yet, but the night is young. Des really liked his fake proposal introduction, so that should get him a few brownie points and, hopefully, a one-on-one date. We’re keeping an eye on you, Chris. Those producers are sneaky. They’re very good at keeping people in the background and then BAM! They’re in the top five.

8. Zack K.

Zack K.

Last week: #13

When it comes to Zack K., we feel like that little girl in the AT&T commercial. More is better than less because if stuff is not le … if there’s more less stuff, then you might, you might wanna have some more and your parents The Bachelorette producers just don’t let you because there’s only a little bit. We want more. We want more! Like, we really like it. We want more!

You follow us?

9. Michael G.

Michael G.

Last week: #6

We actually quite like Michael G., but we’re a little worried for him. He’s got the potential to make it far this season, but he’s getting caught up in the drama way too early. We understand that Ben personally did him dirty, but he needs to brush it off and move on. Stay focused, Michael. The road to Des’ heart is long and filled with other men who want to interrupt you mid-conversation.

10. James

James

Last week: #9

James could definitely be a snake in the grass. He can’t be trusted yet. He’s walkin’ around with his big flashy suits and cheesy smile like he’s there for the right reasons (right reasons). We’re just not sure he’ll be there for Des for allll four seasons.

11. Juan Pablo

Juan Pablo

Last week: #12

Yo, producers. Stop messing with us. Can we get some Who-an Pablo action up in here? You know you ain’t ‘bouta put a former pro soccer player on here and not give him any TV time. Also, one additional request: can he not have a shirt on? K thx.

12. Brad

Brad

Last week: #8

Who is Brad exactly? Was he on the group date? Did they hide him in one of those cars in the background? Was he off-screen hanging out with Soulja Boy’s entourage (wait, does Soulja Boy actually have an entourage)? Has he even been on camera so far? Brad, you are so mysterious.

13. Kasey

Kasey

Last week: #19

The good news about Kasey is that he stopped obsessively using hashtags … at least this week. The bad news about Kasey is that we still don’t really like him. Whether Des likes him, though, remains to be seen.

14. Dan

Dan

Last week: #18

See: Brad

15. Brian

Brian

Last week: #17

There’s just something about Brian — and it’s not a good something. He seems like a shady operator … kind of like James. So for now, we’re just going to put him and James into the “???” category until we can figure out what to do with them. We need more time to uncover the truth.

16. Mikey T.

Mikey T.

Last week: #14

If Brian is in the “???” category, then Mikey is in the “aw hell no!” category. Mikey just loves to stir up trouble and get involved in situations he shouldn’t. He’s that guy at the club, ladies. You know, THAT guy. The one who’s all like, “COME AT ME, BRO!” if he even THINKS you looked at him “the wrong way.” Mikey is someone that Des and all women, for that matter, need to watch out for. All he’s good for is entertaining Bachelor Nation with his dramatic confrontations.

Eliminated

17. Will

Will

Will, can we get a high five before you go? Will? Will…?

18. Robert

Robert

Poor Robert. He didn’t stand a chance, and it was all because he previously dated one of Des’ friends. That hardly seems like Robert’s fault. He didn’t know Des would be the Bachelorette when he applied. Come on, Des! Look at what Emily Maynard did. She kept Arie around, and they had a wonderfully passionate, short-lived romance! See what you could be missing out on?

19. Nick M.

Nick M.

Goodbye, Nick M. We hardly knew ye.

Want more Bachelor Burn Book? Follow us on Twitter @bachelorburnbk. We live tweet during every episode and offer our insights throughout the week on all things Bachelor-related.

Images on this blog are the property of ABC or their respectful owners.

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