It’s that time of the week, guys. We’ve asked some (sorta) tough questions, recapped the episode, compiled your tweets and ranked all the men. That leaves just one thing left to do before we start this whole cycle over again for Week 2 (is it Monday yet?!) … The Glen Cocos! Here’s how it works:
Basically, The Glen Cocos are a rotating awards system. We’ll make up a bunch of random awards and hand them out to people each week. Some will be serious. Most of them will (hopefully) be funny. In your mind’s eye, picture them being handed out by Chris Harrison dressed in a Santa suit. Drum roll, please, because we’re about to get this show on the road.
The Sketchopotamus Award
This one goes out to Jonathan because he was one odd bird. From the second this guy stepped out of the limo, he was creepily hitting on Des. He set up the sketchiest “fantasy suite” in Bachelor history and tried to lure Des away from all of the gentlemen. You know how every female has a weirdo radar? You know what we’re talking about. Every female has a built-in sensor for sketchiness. Sometimes, we ignore it. Sometimes, we are tricked. But as soon as Jonathan burst onto the Bachelor scene, our weirdo radar went from harmless to GTFO in about 12 seconds. Apparently, Des’ radar did the same thing. She sent him home before the rose ceremony. We applauded.
The Keep Your Pants On Award
Please, Zak, we are begging you to keep your pants on for the rest of the season. It’s only a matter of time before he ends up naked as the day he was born. The Bachelor is on at 8 p.m.! Jennifer Weiner’s children are still up! Have some decency!
The You’re on the Wrong Reality Show Award
We’re thinking Larry might have confused the Bachelorette auditions with Dancing with the Stars or maybe So You Think You Can Dance. There are two problems with this. The first is that Larry is not a star. The second is that, well, he can’t dance. There are lots of guys who can’t dance. They solve this problem by not dancing in public … or at least when they first meet a girl.
The Stylin’ and Profilin’ Award
This one goes to the one and only Chris Harrison, who broke out some of his pieces from the Chris Harrison Collection for the premiere. We expect to see a lot of his products on the show this season, so we’re going to give him a shout out just this once. Congrats, Chris, on putting together a collection of skinny ties and standard dress shirts in a variety of colors and then giving them unique names. We’re not sure how you can really break any ground in men’s clothing, but you look suave in your new duds. Congratulations on the new business venture!
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