Week 1: Burning Questions

This season hasn’t even started, and we already have so many questions. Who’s the “knight (idiot) in shining armor?” What will be the ratio of cocky douchebags to romantic gentlemen? If you’re from Africa, why are you white?

Karen2

Oh wait, that question isn’t relevant here. We could go on and on with our list of questions, but for brevity’s sake, we’ll keep it to three (also mainly because that’s just the way we did it last season). So, here ya go.

1. How much will we see Des’s brother this season?

NateHartsock

Hopefully, we see him a lot. What would be more entertaining than Nate Hartsock attending every cocktail party and insulting the guys on a level that even he doesn’t comprehend? Nothing (as long as you exclude Ed Swiderski’s drunken antics). Unfortunately, that’s not likely to happen, but we are hoping Nate makes an appearance more than once. We would love to see him fly off the handle at random, inappropriate times, repeatedly use big words that he just learned and offer Des tons of crappy advice. Sure, his erratic and condescending behavior might cause a few problems in the house, but it would keep things interesting.

Now that, Chris Harrison, is the recipe for the most dramatic season ever of The Bachelorette.

2. How far will the cute guy with the cute kid make it?

If you haven’t yet seen the clip of the cute guy with the cute kid, you may watch it by clicking here.

Clearly, this guy is cute. Clearly, he has a cute kid. Now, the question is, how far will the duo make it? Usually, the ones with little ones have a shot to make it decently far. That is, unless you pull a Tony Pieper and quit. As long as this guy doesn’t have lengthy phone conversations with his son about who’s Batman and who’s Robin, then he’s probably got a good chance of making the top 10. Women love men who already have that fatherly instinct.

3. Who will get the First Impression Rose?

Obviously, it’s pretty much impossible for us to guess the right guy when there are 25 to choose from. But we’ll give it our best shot. *Please stand by as the Bachelor Burn Book writers pull a name out of a hat thin air*

Congratulations, Brooks! We want to invite you to have lunch with us every day for the rest of the week.

Brooks

But no, really. Brooks seems like a very genuine guy who is truly looking to find love. Who knows, maybe our completely random guess will actually be right…

The Hot Seat

Every week, we’ll pick one or two dudes who we think are in danger of getting sent home the following episode. Whether it’s because they’re causing tension in the mansion, had a night of drunken woopsies or just simply aren’t connecting with Des, these men could find themselves in the Bachelor Burn Book Hot Seat … a place that would make even Regina George feel threatened.

1. Nick R.

Nick R.

This is not a difficult choice. He’s a tailor/magician who used the term “high-maintenance label whores” in his Bachelor questionnaire. I mean, really, what are the odds that this guy isn’t a toolbag? We don’t even need to see his limo introduction, which we expect to involve a corny magic trick, to know that this guy ain’t makin’ it very far.

2. Larry

Larry

Here’s another guy who we probably won’t like. And by “we,” we mean everybody. First, he admitted in his questionnaire that he has an inflated ego, which is probably fueled by the fact that he studied philosophy, theology and a dozen other high-brow “ologies” at Notre Dame. (Seriously, who does all that?) Then, he literally wrote that he only “maybe” wants to find a “lady friend.” This guy would probably rather marry himself than any “lady friend” if he could.

Want more Bachelor Burn Book? Follow us on Twitter @bachelorburnbk. We live tweet during every episode and offer our insights throughout the week on all things Bachelor-related.

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