Janis, we have done none of these things. We have been miserable. These past two months have been terrible. In fact, we’ve decided to recap what we’ve been doing for the public record.
Consider this a summary of our pathetic offseason. You’ve been warned.
On Mondays from 8-10 p.m., we pretended.
Yes, you read that right. We sat on our couch, drank all the wine, stared at a blank TV screen and talked about the Bachelor. We missed it, OK. What else were we supposed to do, watch Dancing with the Stars?
C’mon. You can put the Bachelor in fancy dancing pants, but you can’t make us care.
We got Ready for Love cancelled.
We didn’t actually, but we wish we had. We tried to allow Ready for Love to fill the Bachelor-sized void in our hearts. It didn’t work. There was just too much going on. Moral of the story? ABC > NBC. One Bachelor > Three Bachelors. The Bachelor >>>>>>>Ready for Love forever.
We tried to control our eyebrow.
Tried is the operative word here. Unlike Tierra’s, our eyebrows are normal. Mainly, they just sit there and we pluck them so we don’t look like Groucho Marx.
Needless to say, after hours upon hours of practicing, we still cannot do the eyebrow raise quite like Tierra. We aren’t too concerned with this, though, because clearly Sean didn’t care for her eyebrow and our deepest hope is that one day Sean will care for us.
We pushed people.
Except not in front of a bus. So, win? We pushed ourselves to graduate college so that’s nice, we guess.
We learned to cook.
We learned to cook cereal. We learned to cook toast. We make a mean grilled cheese. We can also boil water. Sometimes, after we boil the water, we put noodles in it. One time, we made flapjacks. What we’re trying to say is, fellas, you’re gonna wanna wife this.
Obviously, our break was pretty unproductive. We’re glad the show is back and we’ll be writing regularly again. As always, if you’ve got something to say, put it in the comments or in the book (@bachelorburnbk).