Week 5: Power Rankings

Heads were rolling this week on The Bachelor.

Seriously, can you recall in recent memory a time when the Bachelor sent home five girls in two episodes this far into a season? The mansion’s resident count dropped from eleven to six faster than we could say, “Looks like he’s headed for the projection room above the auditorium!” I mean, we know ABC has to stick to a strict timeline here, but what just happened? It was like The Bachelor Massacre. One minute, there was a house full of crazy, dramatic women, and the next minute, there was a house full of significantly fewer crazy, dramatic women. Tragic.

Not only will we remember this week as The Bachelor Massacre, we will also remember it as the week that our Power Rankings got cut in half. ABC and Sean Lowe are really ruining the blogging magic here. Nonetheless, we move onward and present to you our truncated Week 5 Power Rankings.

Week 5

1. AshLee

Last week: #1

AshLee remains in control of the top spot in our Power Rankings and likely the top spot in the competition. We gushed about AshLee’s admirable qualities last week, so we won’t do that again, but we will reiterate that she is the best option for Sean. As the two begin to open up to each other more and more, their connection grows stronger, as well. We have at least a few questions about Sean’s relationships with each of the women listed below, but uncertainty involving AshLee is one thing we do not have. We firmly believe that a relationship between AshLee and Sean would last and serve as one of the few bright spots in a Bachelor history filled with failed relationships.

2. Catherine

Last week: #5

Catherine is certainly unique. And by unique, we mean weird in a really hilarious way. She’s like that friend we all have who makes the most off-the-wall comments and doesn’t give a crap about what other people think. And all the while, she’s constantly making you laugh in a “she’s so strange” kind of way. Yeah, she’s definitely that friend. We love that friend and we love Catherine. But more importantly, Sean really likes her too. Catherine is no longer the quiet contestant who skates by every week. These two have formed a true connection that’s as unique and strong as Catherine’s personality.

3. Lindsay

Last week: #3

This week’s episode taught us one thing about Lindsay: she’s crazy. But not in a bad way. She’s like Ashley Hebert (er, actually Ashley Rosenbaum) crazy. Now, before all you Ashley fans out there start getting all upset and sending us angry tweets, let us explain. Ashley is like this giant ball of energy and pep that can’t be calmed. She’s just always so hyper and talkative that you wonder, “Geez, do you ever take it down a notch?” Lindsay appears to be much the same. She’s on a whole other excitement/energy level. Actually, this is probably why she wanted to roll down a hill in a giant hamster ball a few weeks ago. She had excess energy she needed to burn off. But that’s neither here nor there. Lindsay’s personality, while quite the opposite, would be a perfect complement to Sean’s mild-mannered temperament. They would balance each other out wonderfully, much the same way that Ashley and J.P. do.

4. Desiree

Last week: #2

We’re starting to get a little nervous about Desiree and her chances with Sean. As we explained in our recap, Desiree is too smart for this show. She’s starting to pick up on some of the inexplicable decisions Sean has made, and she’s calling him out for it. From our perspective, we think this is awesome. Finally, a contestant is starting to ask tough questions and isn’t blindly following whatever the Bachelor does. Too often, it seems like the contestants on this show just assume they’re automatically compatible with the Bachelor, but obviously, that’s not how it works. Desiree appears to recognize this and is trying to dig deeper to learn more about Sean’s character. She has every right to grill Sean as much as he grills her and the other ladies. We’re glad Desiree is going against the status quo. However, we don’t think Sean is a huge fan of Desiree’s new attitude, which means she may soon have a one-way limo ride home.

5. Lesley

Last week: #4

Lesley continues to be our favorite contestant this season behind only AshLee, but for whatever reason, it seems that her relationship with Sean has come to a bit of a halt. We really have no explanation for this except that Sean’s relationships with some of the other women have really started to take off … fast. Lesley is still showing she has a wonderful personality and a genuine heart, but unfortunately, her competition is passing her up. Our stubbornness will not let us give up on Lesley just yet though. We’re still holding out hope that Sean realizes Lesley would be a great match for him. He would be wise to keep her over, say, the catty little girl who’s next on this list.

6. Tierra

Last week: #7

Actually, she’s last on this list … finally. Tierra is officially single-handedly responsible for causing mass pandemonium in the mansion. She’s a life ruiner. She ruins people’s lives. But seriously, what baggage is this girl carrying around from her childhood and previous relationships that made her feel like she has to act this way? Not only is her behavior ridiculous, but so is the fact that she hasn’t been eliminated yet! Come on, Sean. Play the odds. Is it more likely that one woman is the cause of the problem or ten women with completely different personalities? Also, how is Sean frustrated that the women can’t give specifics about what Tierra is doing wrong? He was presented with very specific evidence when he WALKED BY as Tierra was berating Robyn. How much more specific do you want to get here? It looks like the situation only gets worse in the next episode, so hopefully Sean starts to see the light that is shining brightly and directly in his face. He has to come to his senses soon, right? …Right?

Eliminated

7. Jackie

Yes, we know that Jackie’s chances with Sean were pie in the sky, but we need to briefly get on our soap box for this one. While Jackie was ultimately eliminated because of her and Sean’s lack of connection, she was also another casualty from the Tierra debacle. Jackie chose to discuss with Sean the issues involving Tierra, which likely contributed to the misguided Bachelor’s decision to send her home. However, it is worth noting that Jackie did exactly what Sean was asking the other women to do later on: mention specifics about Tierra’s behavior. Jackie’s noble efforts weren’t enough to get her past the two-on-one, but we commend her for trying anyway. Best of luck to you, Jennifer Lawrence lookalike.

8. Robyn

We salute you, Robyn, for addressing the issue of diversity on The Bachelor. Other than that, we will most likely forget about you.

9. Sarah

This was definitely the hardest elimination to watch. Sarah didn’t see it coming, and she was genuinely upset. You just had to feel for her when she was talking about always being the girl who gets passed up. If anyone deserved to cry after being sent home by Sean, it was her. We truly wish her happiness and all the relationship success in the world.

10. Daniella

Daniella put up a good fight. We will truly miss her brilliant narration skills and head-scratching comments.

11. Selma

Well, I guess that kiss was all for naught. Hopefully her mom isn’t too mad.

See you fools next week!

Want more Bachelor Burn Book? Follow us on Twitter @bachelorburnbk. We live tweet during every episode and offer our insights throughout the week on all things Bachelor-related.

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