Week 4: Power Rankings

Hello, dear friends and loyal readers!

Sean’s pack of drunk crazies is rapidly getting smaller, but that certainly doesn’t mean there was a shortage of drama in the house this week. We were plenty entertained on Monday as Tierra pitched a hissy fit, Sean sampled “the chocolate” and Tony and Blakeley’s trailer from Bachelor Pad made an appearance during Selma’s one-on-one date. While a few of the women made some really boneheaded moves this week, others really turned on the charm … and probably Sean, too.

So, we took the summation of the women’s actions, or lack thereof, and developed a complex algorithm that helped us to create these wonderful Power Rankings. We spent a lot of time on this, so you better ‘preciate it.

Week 4

1. AshLee

Last week: #2

It seems pretty obvious that AshLee is the clear-cut, all-around best option for Sean at this point. She’s far more mature than any of the other women in the house. She stays away from all the drama and chaos. She’s constantly encouraging the other women and offering them advice. She’s also mild-mannered, always positive and wise beyond her years. In case that ringing endorsement wasn’t clear enough, we’re basically trying to say that AshLee is the bee’s knees. You can just tell that Sean and AshLee would complement each other wonderfully in a relationship. He would do well to pick her.

And yes, we did say “the bee’s knees,” so you can save your judgmental and condescending scoffs for another day.

2. Desiree

Last week: #3

Don’t worry. We haven’t put all of our eggs in the AshLee basket just yet. Sean still has plenty of good options left to choose from, and Desiree is certainly one of them. We haven’t seen much of Des in the past few episodes, but that doesn’t concern us too much. The connection is definitely there, and it should continue to grow even stronger. And with Amanda finally out of her hair, Des can steer clear of the drama and focus on the handsome specimen that is Sean Lowe.

3. Lindsay

Last week: #4

We felt so bad for Lindsay on Monday when Tierra selfishly and childishly interrupted her time with Sean and proceeded to c**kblock her. Rude! We only caught a brief second of Lindsay and Sean’s one-on-one time, but those two were certainly turning up the heat! They were about to move their intense makeout sesh to the hot tub, but that never happened because SOMEONE doesn’t know how to behave like an adult. Regardless of this hiccup, however, Sean and Lindsay are really starting to form a strong connection. We’ve mentioned this before, but it’s still pretty amazing to us that wedding dress girl has actually become a legitimate contender. Those first-night drunk wackos usually have almost a 100 percent chance of leaving the day they arrive.

4. Lesley M.

Last week: #1

We still think it’s pretty likely that Lesley will make it into the top five, but we’re starting to second-guess the confidence we initially had in her. Sean is completely captivated by some of the women, but it’s hard to tell if Lesley is one of them. His body language just isn’t the same around Lesley as it is with, say, Selma. Looking back on it, Sean and Lesley’s interactions have been pretty awkward. Lesley wouldn’t look Sean in the eye on her date, and kissing for them always seems to be a weird, “who’s going to make the first move” kind of situation. Hopefully we’re wrong about this though because those two would make some beautiful blonde children.

5. Catherine

Last week: #9

Finally! Catherine has arrived! We have been eagerly awaiting this moment, and it did not disappoint. When we think of Catherine, we think of how quirky she and her off-the-wall one-liners are, but apparently, her personality is just what Sean finds so attractive about her. Unfortunately, we haven’t seen much of them together, but Sean has mentioned how they’re always giggling like little schoolgirls. Then, on Monday, not only did they share some jokes, but they shared a kiss for the first time too. How magical. We can’t wait to see if this could potentially turn into something more.

By the way, did you see how cute Catherine’s cocktail party shoes were? Loved them!

6. Selma

Last week: #7

This is quite the perplexing situation. As you are all likely aware, Selma received a one-on-one date this past week. She and Sean scaled a rock, the producers showed us way too many shots of Selma’s boobs, and so on and so forth. It was all pretty bland, until they arrived at what was formerly known as Tony and Blakeley’s trailer. You know, where their short-lived romance all began. Anyway, as Sean and Selma were cuddling in the middle of a makeshift trailer park decorated with cheap Christmas lights, Selma revealed that she has disappointed her parents by coming on the show and is, therefore, not allowed to kiss on camera. Ok, what? Of course, we respect all cultures and religions, but this literally makes no sense. Why did Selma come on The Bachelor if she wasn’t willing to partake in the actions that make up the entire show? Yes, Sean was fine with Selma’s restriction, and in fact, it even intrigued him further. But honestly, how long can this last? Can you see her relationship with Sean surpassing that of the other women’s? We can’t. It’s just hard to believe that Selma will single-handedly manage to take out the remaining women without introducing a physical aspect to her and Sean’s relationship.

7. Tierra

Last week: #5

We didn’t want to put Tierra in our top five last week, so this week, we didn’t … and for good reason. This girl is a nightmare. The reasons we, and the rest of America, don’t like Tierra are obvious and self-explanatory. Her character flaws need not be mentioned again, but Sean’s inability to identify them does. How is Sean missing this? It was understandable last season when Ben was blind to Courtney’s shenanigans. She only acted like a goofball around the other women, which left Ben largely unaware of what was going on and skeptical about what the others were telling him. This season is different, however. Tierra has already shown her true colors to Sean … more than once. He’s right there watching her cry, complain and act childish, yet somehow, he’s as blind as Ben was. Perhaps it’s because men have a difficult time recognizing the sinister and complicated motives of a woman, but that excuse won’t fly for Sean much longer. Simply put, Tierra has to go.

8. Sarah

Last week: #6

Sarah’s status hasn’t changed much since her one-on-one date. Sean still pays her a lot of attention, so that’s the good news. The bad news is that their time together hasn’t been anything special. Yes, Sean coordinated a surprise visit from her dog and spent a lot of time with her at the roller derby rink. But have you ever thought, “Oh yeah, she could be the one Sean chooses” as you watch them spend time together? We haven’t.

9. Robyn

Last week: #8

Robyn is kind of bleh. She’s alright, but she’s nothing to write home about. We really thought she was gonna bring it this week, but alas, she did not. She was too busy accepting fake apologies from Tierra. Robyn isn’t in danger of getting sent home just yet, but the other women are starting to pass her up. Sean’s “I’m crazy about her” list is pretty long, but unfortunately, Robyn hasn’t been able to find her way onto it.

10. Jackie

Last week: #11

Every week, we wish we could rank Jackie higher, yet every week, we cannot. This girl is the definition of a forgotten contestant, but we remain convinced that she could easily become a frontrunner, if only she wasn’t so quiet! We know next to nothing about her and her personality, but our gut tells us that she would be a great match for Sean. He just hasn’t spent enough time with her yet to recognize this. Catherine successfully hosted her coming out party. Now it’s Jackie’s turn.

Also, is it just us or does Jackie bear a striking resemblance to Jennifer Lawrence?

11. Daniella

Last week: #13

Daniella really only serves one purpose on this show: to tell us what’s going on. We’ve seen some of you mention this on Twitter, as well. She’s like a third-party onlooker who provides her insights and commentary throughout the show but isn’t actually a contestant. Think about it. Have you seen her and Sean together at all? We can’t remember one time. Suffice it to say that this means Daniella is on the chopping block.

Eliminated

12. Leslie H.

I guess Sean had enough of Leslie’s super awkward and overly emphatic catch phrases. Winner winner, chicken dinner!

13. Amanda

Amanda’s strange attire, black lipstick and erratic mood swings must not have done the trick for Sean either. We’re sure she’s recovering nicely from the heartbreak back at the psych ward though.

Hope you all enjoyed reading along!

Want more Bachelor Burn Book? Follow us on Twitter @bachelorburnbk. We live tweet during every episode and offer our insights throughout the week on all things Bachelor-related.

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