Week 3: Party Fouls

If you’re a football fan, this week is torture. No one likes the Pro Bowl and there’s literally no football on for another week. Don’t worry, though. We’ve got the perfect cure for your football withdrawals–this week’s Party Fouls! As always, we took the time to flag a handful of Bachelor contestants for some penalties.

Illegal touching

Sean, we saw you cop a feel on Lesley during that record-breaking kiss! We’re not saying that she didn’t welcome it, but this definitely falls under the illegal touching category. Y’all were in public, so maybe save that for the privacy of a rooftop date surrounded by a camera crew, okay? It deeply hurts us to have to throw a penalty on the Bachelor. Please don’t make us do it again.

Illegal shift

Kacie, Kacie, Kacie. You, of all people, should know that inserting yourself into the middle of a disagreement between two other contestants is a recipe for disaster. By trying to shift your conversation with Sean from something light and positive to the negativity of an argument that has absolutely nothing to do with you, you basically bought yourself a one-way ticket to elimination. We would have thought that Kacie learned something from Emily’s ordeal on Ben’s season, but apparently, she was too busy spiraling toward her first crazy, clingy emotional breakdown to pay it much attention. Although this was an unfortunate misstep, we doubt it really harmed Kacie’s chances at snagging a groom. Sean was looking for an excuse to get rid of her and she handed it to him on a silver platter.

Flopping

Okay, so technically, this isn’t an actual football penalty, although it should be. We’re just going to pretend that futbol is football for now and use it anyway. This penalty without a doubt goes to Tierra and we threw the flag almost immediately after seeing her pitch herself down the stairs. Her “concussion” and “backache” didn’t fool us, but her stunt did seem to fool our beloved Bachelor. Sean is getting warning sign after warning sign about Tierra’s insanity, but he’s choosing to ignore them. Sean, we implore you, please send Tierra home sooner rather than later.

Illegal equipment

Who goes to a theme park in a mini dress and five-inch heels? AshLee does! This is one of the biggest problems with surprise dates–there’s no way to know what to wear unless, you know, the producers say something about what you’ll be doing. The date clues absolutely stink, too. We’d recommend that the Bachelor add a “wardrobe guide” to the date cards, but it’s far more fun to make fun of these poor wardrobe choices. We can’t be totally negative about AshLee, though. She managed to make the best of it like a true champ.

Pass interference

We sincerely hope that Tierra doesn’t win Sean’s heart, but she’s well on her way to becoming the most penalized contestant this season. Tierra interrupted Sean’s date and his one-on-one time with the other women, which set off a string of penalties from the other contestants. By trying to monopolize Sean’s attention, she’s not endearing herself to the other girls or the viewers. We understand that this is a competition, but there’s something to be said about playing fair. Make the most of your allotted time, ladies, but remember: poor manners are a bad look on everyone.

We tried to think of more clever party fouls for this week, but the well ran dry. We decided to stop trying to make party fouls happen. It’s not going to happen. Maybe next week, the women will bring a little bit more crazy. We know none of you yokesters read this piece anyway. If you do happen to be avid readers, drop us a line with some party fouls of your own. You can reach us in the comments or on Twitter @bachelorburnbk.

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