Week 1: Power Rankings

Welcome to the Bachelor Burn Book Power Rankings!

With so many um … wonderful women in The Bachelor Mansion, Sean’s got some tough decisions to make on his dramatic and adventure-filled path to finding love. It may have been difficult for our all-time favorite Bachelor to determine who was there for love or fame, but fear not. We’re here to weed through the fake hair extensions and spray tans to figure out who’s on the fast track to winning Sean’s heart. Here’s how the power rankings work:

Every week, we’ll tell you who we think did the best, who did the worst and who got completely lost in the shuffle on the latest episode of The Bachelor. We’ll rank (and kind of judge) the women based on their interactions with each other and with Sean. Of course, we’ll factor in how we think Sean views each of his female suitors, as well. Just think of it as if we’re seating the women at the appropriate tables in the Mean Girls cafeteria.

Week 1

1. Tierra

We put Tierra atop our list this week merely as a formality. She made a huge impression on Sean as soon as she got out of the limo, but based on the previews, it appears she’s got a rough ride ahead. Fighting with the other women and causing drama does not seem like a recipe for success. But, according to Tierra, she’s “above everyone else,” so perhaps we’re wrong in assuming that her massive tumble down the stairs will eventually send her tumbling home.

2. AshLee F.

Aside from the odd spelling of her name, we like AshLee F. You guys, she makes her living as a personal organizer. How could you not be a fan? AshLee was also one of the first few to get a rose at the cocktail party, and it seems like Sean is into her. AshLee’s fate on The Bachelor remains to be seen, but right now, we’re driving this bandwagon.

3. Desiree

We give Desiree the third spot with some slight apprehension. We like Desiree. She’s sweet and seems relatively harmless. She made a good first impression on Sean when she suggested that they make a wish and throw pennies into the fountain. Like AshLee, Desiree was one of the first women to get a rose, but we’re still a bit hesitant. It appears that Desiree’s boyfriend/ex-boyfriend shows up unannounced at some point this season to win her back. And we’re thinkin’ Sean ain’t gonna like that too much.

4. Lesley M.

What’s not to like here? She seems genuine and kind, and she has a stable job as a political consultant. Lesley also showed us her sense of humor and lightheartedness by using a football as a ruse to stare at Sean’s tush (thank you for that, Lesley). A sweet Southern girl who likes football? Frankly, we don’t see how Sean can pass her up.

5. Catherine

We’re not exactly sure what’s so special about Catherine, but apparently Sean knows. Did you see his face when she stepped out of the limo? He looked completely speechless, like he was smitten by her. It actually reminded us of Ben’s reaction last season when Courtney got out of the limo. Catherine did awkwardly call Sean a “hunk” in a semi-manly voice, but hey, if Sean likes that sort of thing, we’ll withhold our judgment (as best as we can).

6. Kacie B.

Yeah, we know the other women don’t like her much because she’s already been on The Bachelor, but let’s be real … Ben’s a dog. It never would’ve worked out between those two. We like Kacie B. and think she deserves another chance. We can tell Sean’s a little hesitant about her right now, but we think he’ll come around sooner rather than later.

7. Sarah

Sarah is so sweet and super genuine. She seems to think she’s at a serious disadvantage, but we disagree. Sarah has as good of a chance as any of the other women. We just hope she can be as confident as her competition is.

8. Jackie

Jackie just seems like your average girl who’s got a bit of an edge. After all, she’s the only one who truly made her (red lipstick) mark on Sean. Did anyone else notice that Sean still had a faint red mark on his cheek, even after the lipstick was wiped off? Bold, Jackie … very bold.

9. Lindsay

Ah, Lindsay. What do we say about Lindsay? Well, for starters, she was a drunk mess in that wedding dress. She was overly aggressive with Sean and tried way too hard. Yet, she managed to survive. Some of you may be wondering why we have her ranked so high. Well, despite her cocktail party shenanigans, Sean actually seems to kinda, sorta like her. Plus, she got a rose. If Sean gives you a vote of confidence after that kind of disaster, you get major ups in our burn book.

10. Robyn

Robyn rounds out our top 10, despite our lack of interest in her. To us, she’s socially awkward and boring like those engineers she’s dated in the past. Not only that, she totally ate it when she got out of the limo and attempted to do a back handspring. However, we really think she’s there for the right reasons and Sean seems to like her, so she makes the cut.

11. Selma

Selma, who? To be honest, she was pretty forgettable, and we didn’t hear from her much on the first night. Perhaps she’ll make a bigger splash in the coming weeks, but for now, she’s just a middle-of-the-pack contestant.

12. Amanda

We may be one of a small few who actually remember Amanda, but she made a big first impression on us. Upon introducing herself to Sean, she suggested that they have a forced awkward moment to “get it out of the way.” Very creative and witty of you, Amanda! The only person who has executed an awkward introduction better than you is Jenna the Blogger from Ben’s season.

13. Katie

Much like Selma, we don’t really remember Katie either. All we know is she’s a yoga instructor who didn’t wear shoes to the cocktail party. Very zen and hippie-like. Alas, Sean gave her a rose early on, so she slides in at number 13.

14. Brooke

From here on out, Brooke shall be dubbed “African Princess.” Why? Because she’s quite exotic-looking, and we’re also fairly certain she purred in Sean’s ear upon meeting him. On a completely unrelated note, we noticed that the producers incorrectly spelled Pittsburgh (African Princess’s hometown) as “Pittsburg.” Doesn’t ABC have editors who check and re-check this stuff? Come on. A simple Google search could’ve told you guys how to spell it.

15. Taryn

We’ve got a drunk crier on our hands. By the end of the night, Taryn had consumed way too much wine and was starting to get a little emotional. “Sean chose to talk to African Princess over me? Why?! What’s wrong with me? He doesn’t like me. I’m going to be single forever.” Drunk criers usually don’t make it very far on the show, but we’ll see if Taryn can defy the odds.

16. Diana

Diana has two kids and is divorced. We don’t think this eliminates her chances of winning, but it could put her at a disadvantage. It would certainly be much harder for her to pick up her life and move to Dallas, and we think Sean has to take that into consideration. It seems like she really wants to find love, but we don’t expect her to make it far.

17. Kristy

To put it nicely, Kristy is one of our least favorite so far. She seems rather arrogant to us, and we wouldn’t be shocked to see her make some pretty callous moves to get extra time with Sean. Kristy thinks her $h!t don’t stink, but you know what does stink? That hair-do she was showing off at the cocktail party. How “America’s Next Top Model” of you, Kristy.

18. Leslie H.

Another forgettable contestant. We literally cannot remember one thing about Leslie, which means she probably didn’t make a huge impression on Sean the first night. Hence, she’s at the bottom of our ranks and will have to work her way up.

19. Daniella

This girl gave us a good laugh on Monday night. She got out of the limo, tried to pull off this “sexy walk” and then teach Sean some ridiculous handshake that was confusing as hell. The best part? Daniella tried to speak to Sean in a sultry voice that made her sound like she was on Xanax or tripping on E. As Mr. Duvall, the principal from Mean Girls, would say, “Did your teacher ever try to sell you marijuana or ecstasy tablets?” Irregardless (<– as Gretchen Wieners would say), we don’t expect Daniella to make it far.

Eliminated

20. Ashley P.

We will sincerely miss making fun of the drunken mess that was Ashley P.T.F.O.

21. Kelly

This girl’s orange skin and horrible makeup line probably had a lot to do with why she got sent home.

22. Lacey

Ah, if only we remembered Lacey, we would make a witty comment about her.

23. Paige

Poor Paige. First, she got eliminated on Bachelor Pad 3 and now she gets rejected by Sean. She can’t cut a break. The fact that she’s a Jumbotron operator should get her major points, no?

24. Kerriann

See: Lacey

25. Ashley H.

Blue eyeshadow + blue prom dress + ghetto accent = a recipe for not getting a rose. You feel me?

26. Lauren

Telling Sean that your Dad will break his legs if he breaks your heart is: a) an overused threat, b) definitely not a good idea, or c) all of the above. Umm, we’ll choose “c.”

Until next week, kiddos! Be sure to vote in our Power Poll below to let us know who you think is leading the pack!

Want more Bachelor Burn Book? Follow us on Twitter @bachelorburnbk. We live tweet during every episode and offer our insights throughout the week on all things Bachelor-related.

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