We, the Bachelor Burn Book, solemnly swear…

…to refrain from posting spoilers. We aren’t Reality Steve, and we don’t want to ruin the season for you. But if you’re in here right after an episode, read at your own risk. We can’t wait around for all you procrastinators.

…that we’re not like a regular blog, we’re a cool blog.

…to relate The Bachelor to Mean Girls more than the average person should. To us, the limit the does not exist.

…to be less crazy than the Jenna the Blogger (we also promise we have better hair.)

…to not offer to share a tampon with you (yeah, Jenna, that’s gross.)

…to not make you maintain an egg in order to cultivate a relationship with us.

…that we’re not vampires. We promise.

…to control our eyebrow.

…to not write eleventy million poems. We love you guys, and we don’t need rhymes to show it.

…to call out these contestants for their shenanigans, and credit them when they actually, you know, do something sensible.

…to not take this too seriously. We love the show and all of our comments are purely in good fun.

…to always root for the Bachelor/ette to find true love on this show. We know the track record of the show, and we don’t care. We want everyone to find love. Even if they own a winery, choose a girl that TWENTY-THREE OTHER WOMEN HATE and [allegedly] make juvenile YouTube videos. We’re talking about you, Ben Flajnik.

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